CATEGORY:Widening your range of abilities

“Don’t be afraid to fail. Be afraid not to try!”

Failure hurts. It demoralizes. It humbles.

Even so, failure is a critical and important part of life.

In fact, failure is necessary.

I have failed more times than I can count.

Yes. I have failed small. I have failed big. And I have failed spectacularly.

I have not enjoyed failing. If anything, I have hated it when it was happening. I cursed life, railed at God, asked the eternal question, “WHY ME?”

But, as I have progressed, I have realized that failure, through its life-altering lessons, gradually moulded me into a stronger, more capable, better person.

Failure is life’s best teacher. It teaches us humility, and change, and innovation, and resilience.

Without failure, I know I would have less compassion, empathy and kindness. Without failure, I know that I would have achieved much less than what I have today.

I Don’t Believe You!

“That’s a load of bull! I don’t think failure is necessary! Can you name any successful people who have failed?”

I can name hundreds. Here are some people who you know, like and respect –

Oprah Winfrey – abused child, teenage unwed mother, fired for being ‘unfit for television’.

Jack Ma – failed primary school twice, failed middle school three times, failed university entry exam thrice, rejected by the police force, rejected by KFC, rejected by Harvard ten times.

Walt Disney – fired from his job at a newspaper, first go at business ending in bankruptcy.

Thomas Edison – told by his teachers that “he was too stupid to learn anything”, fired from first two jobs, failed in developing the light bulb more than 2,000 times.

J K Rowling – jobless, divorced, penniless, with a dependent child, suffered through bouts of depression, living on welfare checks, Harry Potter script rejected 12 times.

Enough? Or shall I go on?

“Enough. I see what you mean. But why is failure ‘necessary’?”

Why Failure Is Necessary!

The simple answer is,

If you go through life without failing at anything, then you are not really living a life at all!

Taking risks and falling down makes us into who we are.

Take the example of a baby. When a baby is first learning to walk, she will fall down many times. If you feel bad that she is failing and over-protect her and prevent her from trying, she will never walk.

Take the example of a tennis player. He will play game after game. He will lose often, sometimes terribly. If you feel bad that he is failing and tell him not to play so much, he will never build up to be a champion.

And finally, take the example of yourself trying to cook a new dish. It is likely that you will fail the first time. And the second. Even perhaps the third. If you give up and stop, you will never make a dish that makes people go, “WOW!”

Failure is the development of mental and spiritual muscle. It strengthens us, it makes us more resilient. Failure gives us the drive and the reason to succeed.

Here are five reasons why failure is necessary for all of us –

Failure Gives Us Valuable Experience

The most important thing we gain from failure is experience.

What happens when we fail? When we go through something and can walk away with firsthand experience, it helps us to develop a deeper understanding for life.

The experience of failing alters our mindset. It makes us reflect on the real nature of things and their importance in our lives, transforming and improving our future selves.

[My wife, Radhika, wanted to be able to make tasty egg-free cakes for her many clients who could not eat regular cakes for dietary or religious reasons.

She experimented for many months. In the beginning, the cakes would not rise, or taste terrible. Each failure hurt her, but also taught her something new. She built the next cake on the learnings from the previous one. Finally, she mastered the art.

Today, her egg-free cakes are said to be, ”the best cakes we have ever tasted!”]

Failure Endows Us With Knowledge

Failure brings us important firsthand knowledge.

This knowledge forms the stepping stones for our future. By harnessing what we learn from failure, we can and will overcome that very same failure.

[When I was in school, I was terrible at my second language, Hindi. I would fail again and again – mainly because I did not put in enough effort.

As I came closer to my School Leaving Examination, I realized that if I failed, I would not be able to enter college. I began reviewing everything I had learnt from my failures. Soon, I recognised a pattern of mistakes. I went to a friend who was very good at Hindi, and asked him to show me how to correct this. He helped me understand the concepts that were necessary.

Using this knowledge, I was able to not only pass the exam, but get a first class!]

Failure Exposes Our Weaknesses

Everyone has weaknesses. Failure leads to introspection, which then leads to exposing our weaknesses. Once we know what our weaknesses are, we can turn them into strengths.

Thus, failure actually helps us evolve and become stronger, preparing ourselves for the challenges yet to come.

[When I was about 30, I attended quite a few job interviews and was rejected in all of them.

This really hurt, especially because I thought I was a good fit, and did not know why I was being rejected. I approached my mentor for help. She conducted 2 ‘mock interviews’ with me, and then shared her findings. I realized that I was making so many mistakes. I took these to heart and corrected them.

The very next interview I had, the company offered me the job immediately!]

Failure Pushes Us To Grow

When we fail, we grow and mature as human beings.

We seek deeper meaning and understanding about ourselves and about life. Failure makes us pause and reflect. Failure puts things into perspective.

Life is designed for us to grow and improve. Growth is a fundamental part of us. Failure prevents us from complacency and stagnation, and pushes us to seek new avenues, new approaches, new starts.

[My friend, Vijay, believed that he was an excellent technical manager. He stopped reading or learning, feeling that he ‘knew it all’.

One day, one of his ships had a serious engine problem. The Chief engineer contacted him and asked him for help. Vijay did everything he could, but was not able to solve the problem. The company lost thousands of dollars. Desperate, Vijay reached out to various colleagues and contemporaries. A young superintendent replied, giving him a possible approach. Vijay tried it our and it worked.

From that day onward, he stopped feeling complacent. He ensured that he subscribed to technical updates and attended technical forums, knowing that he did not, actually, ‘know it all’.]

Failure Builds Resilience

Failing helps us build resilience. The more we fail, the more resilient we become.

To succeed, we must know resilience. Without resilience, every stumble or fall will cause us to lose hope, to not try again, to give up. And by doing so, fail much harder and more painfully than ever.

Resilience helps us succeed by building the right expectations, thus setting the gameboard in our favour.

[There is no better example of resilience than US President Abraham Lincoln.

He failed in business at age 21; he was defeated in a legislative race at age 22. He failed again in business at age 24. Then, Lincoln overcame the death of his sweetheart at age 26 and had a nervous breakdown at age 27. He lost two congressional races at ages 34 and 36, and then the senatorial race at age 45.

He never gave up, never quit, learned from each failure, became stronger, and finally, became President of USA at the age of 52.]

Failure Is The Foundation Of Success

Failure forces you to tune in to what you truly want and to who you really are.

We need to embrace failure and see it as a stepping-stone on the way to success.

Sadly, society tends to celebrate successes rather than highlighting the epic journeys towards success that are filled with trials, setbacks, and failures.

Too often we buy into what society says. When we do that, we limit ourselves, and we impede our ability to make big things happen.

Failure is temporary. When something goes wrong, we need to learn to look for the greater message of the experience and expect it to, eventually, turn out for the good.

Failing means you are actually active, doing something, moving forward.

“It is impossible to live without failing, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all, in which case you have failed by default.” – J.K. Rowling

***

Can you recall a failure which taught you lessons that shaped you? Please could you share for others to learn from?

Do send your inputs to me, either as a comment or as a PM.

Cheers | Shesh | Singapore | 08 December 2020.

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“I Am Shy. An Introvert.”

“I am shy,” said Jazen.

“Basically, I am an introvert. I don’t feel comfortable meeting new people. In fact, in my school and college days, I had very few friends. Mostly, I was invisible!”

“Now, you are telling me that just talent and hard work are not enough.” Jazen continued.

“And that, if I don’t network, I will be left behind, passed over and not achieve my aspirations.”

“What should I do?”

My heart went out to Jazen. I know exactly how he felt. I had met so many young professionals like him – sincere, hard-working, passionate – but aloof and shy and ‘invisible’.

How frustrating it was for them to see less-capable colleagues move ahead because they were more outgoing and confident and assertive!

“May I tell you a story, Jazen?” I asked.

“Yes, go ahead,” Jazen said, as he sat forward in his chair.

The Girl Nobody Knew

This story is about a young lady. Let us call her Rupa.

Throughout school and college, Rupa was the “shy girl.” The girl who nobody knew. Even her teachers, sometimes, would struggle to remember her name.

Rupa wondered why it was so hard for her to make friends and enjoy social events. But, as the years passed, she became so used to being known as “shy”, that she gradually accepted it as part of her identity.

In her final year of college, a counsellor administered a psychometric test to Rupa. As they went through the results of the test, she had a ‘Eureka’ moment. She was an Introvert!

Over the next few days,

Rupa read everything she could about personality types. She realized that she was not alone – that nearly half the population shared some or all characteristics of introversion.

Rupa learnt that there are many benefits from being an introvert – the ability to listen, the ability to think ahead and plan, the capability to reflect and review, the inclination to view the world rationally and calmly.

She also learnt that the corporate world is not kind to an introvert. Because it is hard to be open, difficult to make small talk, painful to establish rapport with new people, she realized that she was at a disadvantage when it came to attending networking events and building new relationships, which are crucial elements of employment and employability.

While this was discouraging, Rupa squared her shoulders. Now she knew. She knew who she was, and what strengths this gave her, and what weaknesses she had to overcome.

In her usual thoughtful way, she listed out steps that she could take to overcome this ‘disadvantage’ and turn it into an asset.

Step One – Shy People Can Plan

First, Rupa cast her mind back to recalling all the interactions that she had witnessed – between her classmates, her brother’s friends, even her parents.

She listed out the normal topics of conversation –

• The weather
• Family
• Mutual friends
• Common topics such as movies, books, current affairs, clothes, celebrities, etc.

She then listed out two things more –

• A list of questions she could ask, to maintain a conversation
• A narrative that she could use, without diffidence, if she was asked any questions or was asked to share something about herself

On completing this exercise, she decided to test it with two of her classmates who were outgoing and had many ‘friends’. She felt nervous and worried but gathered the courage.

The next day,

She reached out to the first classmate and then the second and put her plan in action. She started the conversation and then asked a few questions. Soon, all she had to do was listen! In both cases, the classmates talked and talked and talked. And Rupa listened and nodded and assented.

Within a week, both the classmates were seeking Rupa out. They loved that she was such a good listener, and that they could talk to her about anything.

“You are such a good conversationalist,” said one classmate, not realizing that Rupa barely said more than 10 words during the whole time!

This exercise gave Rupa confidence. Even better, over time, the two classmates then introduced Rupa to their friends, thus expanding her network without her seeking it!

Delighted, Rupa moved to the next step.

Step Two – Shy People Can Empathize

Rupa had already realized that she was not the only introvert. Many of her classmates were, too!

She also realized that she felt more comfortable talking to other quiet or mild people.

So, Rupa drew on her reserves of empathy.

Instead of being scared of starting a conversation, she focused on how she could help other introverts by interacting with them. After all, who could empathize better with an introvert than another introvert?

Again, she chose two classmates.

Over the next week,

Rupa reached out to them in her gentle and unassuming way. She did not push. She let it be known that she, too, was shy, but was available to talk.

It was slow going, but step by step both her introvert classmates opened up to Rupa. Over the course of the next 3 weeks, she learnt about their amazing talents, their achievements, their lives. She felt so good!

“We’ve been together for so many years, and never known one another!” she thought.

At the end of the third week, one of the classmates thanked Rupa. “I am so glad that you reached out to me,” she said, “I have never had real friends before…”

Rupa was on a high! She moved to the third step.

STEP 3 – Shy People Can ‘Socialize’

Rupa had avoided social networks.

Yes, she had a Facebook account and a LinkedIn account, but they were mostly dormant.

She realized that she had not understood the power of these online networks. Now, she recognized that such networks were good for an introvert – that people like her could nurture and build relationships without having to take the stress of face to face interactions all the time.

The next few days,

Rupa revived her online networks and re-connected with her few connections.

Gradually, she started adding one or two thoughtfully, evaluating each to ensure that she picked people who she could add value to, and she could gain learning from. She tentatively started writing a few of her thoughts as posts and articles on LinkedIn and was delighted to see many readers liking and commenting on them. This encouraged her to extend her writings to Facebook, and to open a Twitter account.

In a few months, Rupa had a decent sized online network, and had even developed some of her connections into friends, with whom she would chat one-on-one. Two of her connections had even reached out to her asking if Rupa would like to consider a position in their companies.

Rupa, the introvert, had learnt how to network!

Introverts Do Not Need To Be Invisible

“So, what do you think?” I asked Jazen, sipping on some water.

His eyes shone.

“Thank you for sharing this amazing story,” he exclaimed. “Did you know Rupa personally?”

“Yes, I did,” I said, “She was a member of my team, but much later.”

“Where is she today?” he asked.

“Oh, Rupa is now the General Manager – Operations with a large insurance company,” I answered.

“Do you know of other introverts who have done well?” Jazen continued.

“Dozens. Hundreds, probably,” I said, smiling, “ and most of them very successful!”

“Wow!” he said, and sat back. His eyes continued to shine.

A Chance Meeting

Jazen and I kept in touch regularly. 8 months later, we had the opportunity to meet at an industry conference. We shook hands happily, and then agreed to catch-up for coffee during the first break.

“So, I hear things are going well?” I asked.

“Very well!” said Jazen. He seemed much more confident than when we had last met. “As I have informed you, I am now managing a small team, and we are building some amazing apps.”

“And how’s the networking going?” I asked, smiling.

“Rupa’s story was a turning point in my life, Shesh,” Jazen said, with seriousness. “In the last few months, I have followed the learnings from her story and life has changed so much, for the better!”

“I am so glad,” I said, smiling with delight.

“And not just for me,” he continued. “I am now passing on these learnings to other introverts, and each of them is reverting to me saying how things are improving and how they are doing so much better.”

“Can you please thank Rupa for me?” he asked. “I owe her so much!”

“I will,” I promised, “and perhaps someday, you could both meet?”

“Oh, that would be wonderful! I look forward to meeting her!” said the introvert.

****

[Note : This is part 3 of a three-part series on Networking]

Does this article inspire you to take steps towards enhancing your networking skills?  Take the first step today.  Make a commitment.  Tell me a ‘yes’. 

In three months, let us revisit this article and check on your progress. 

Cheers | Shesh | Singapore | 20 October 2020.

Post Script :

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I Was Never Taught How To Network.

No one taught me how to network. In fact, when I was young, I was told that networking was ‘sucking up’.

I was told that it was not for smart and capable people, but only for weak fools who needed to survive on the whims of others.

Just like much of the advice I was given when I was young, IT WAS WRONG!

But I was foolish. So I followed the advice I was given.

I was also arrogant. I believed that I did not need others.

“My work will speak for itself”, I thought.

“My outstanding performance will make me stand apart and visible”, I believed.

“Networks are for suck-ups”, I consoled myself. “I can do this on my own!”

But, even foolish and arrogant people change over time.

As I saw others progressing faster, as I noticed colleagues being chosen, as I slid back in the hierarchy of life, I realized that just talent and hard work are not enough.

I needed to do more.I needed to do something different.

So, I reached out to my mentor.

You Are Effective, But He Is Successful

“Okay, Shesh,” she said, after she had listened patiently to me. “Let me ask some questions.”

“You said that you are efficient, hardworking and always deliver. I have known you for a while and I agree. But, your management promoted Ronald. Let us try and figure out why.”

“Okay,” I said reluctantly. I was not keen on talking about Ronald. We had joined the company at the same time, and he was now two levels ahead of me.

“Is Ronald efficient, too?”

“I guess so,” I muttered.

“Does he work as hard as you?”

“No!” I burst out. “He never stays late, he goes out to lunch with our colleagues, he rarely comes in on weekends!”

“Does he deliver his results?”

“Yes,” I said, morosely.

“So, how does he do this? He is efficient, he delivers results, but he seems to work much less.”

“I don’t know,” I muttered, looking down.

“Do you think you can find out?” my mentor asked, kindly. “May be spent the next 2-3 weeks observing Ronald and seeing what he does differently?’

She saw me squirming. “I think it will be very helpful, Shesh,” she said, still kindly, but with much more authority.

I agreed.

Give, And You Shall Get

I did not enjoy the next 3 weeks.

Not only did I shadow Ronald, I also saw that he was having a wonderful time.

Ronald knew how to network. He would rarely sit at his desk. He moved around the office leaning against other’s desks, talking and laughing. At times, he would pull up a chair and sit for longer, listening and nodding.

And when he was at his desk, a stream of colleagues would come by and chat and laugh and even flirt!

One day he went to lunch with the HR team. The next, he brought in a couple of burgers which he shared with the CFO in his office. On Friday, he bought 12 donuts, kept in on his table and shouted, “First come, first served!” and stepped away from the stampede.

One Monday, he asked me out for lunch. The cheek!

“Sorry,” I said, “I am busy, I have to complete the monthly RFQ.”

“Come on, Shesh,” Ronald said, “there’s always time for work. There’s this new Indian restaurant I am dying to try out. Be a pal!”

But I was firm, and refused. Why did I feel so terrible?

In the third week, I asked some of the members of my team what they thought of Ronald.

“Oh, he’s so wonderful,” said Anna, “he lights up the room!”

“Ronald? Such a lovely guy!” said Yu Jian. “Always willing to help, even when he is really busy!”

“You know, he got my son the Pokemon set when he returned from Bangkok!” gushed Minnie.

Honestly, I was getting quite tired of Ronald. At least the three weeks were coming to an end.

Ask, And Will You Receive?

I was back at my mentor’s place. I had just recited (with the help of my notes) everything I had learned about Ronald.

She sat back and smiled. It was not a nice smile. It was the smile of an executioner before he swung the axe.

“Thank you, Shesh,” she said. “It mustn’t have been easy.”

I grunted.

“I have a question. Let us say that you and Ronald are each given a big project. A project that neither of you can complete just by using your own team. Clear so far?”

I nodded.

“Both of you are given the same timeline, and it is tight.”

“Which of you, do you think will get the support from your colleagues to help finish this project, in full, on time?”

My mouth opened to speak, and then shut. I looked at her. She was looking back at me, a tiny smile on her face. She waited.

It took me more than a minute to squeeze out the words. “Ronald will.” I said.

“What about you?”

“Well, some of them will help…” I started. “A few of them may help…”

I shut my mouth and pondered. “May be one or two of them may help me,” I said, quietly.

“What do you think makes your colleagues want to help Ronald, but not you?” she asked, gently.

He Knows How To Network.

“They like him. They consider him a friend,” I answered. “He does things for them. Listens to them. Buys stuff. Donuts and pizzas. He talks to everyone all the time.”

“Would you say he invests in them?” she asked.

“Hmmm, yes, he does.” I replied.

“Would you say he gives a lot to them,” she asked again.

“Yes, he does.” I said.

“Does he do this with an agenda, you think?” she continued, “some kind of sinister purpose?”

I smiled. “No,” I said, “Ronald is actually a nice guy. He cares about the people around him.”

“Thank you, Shesh,” my mentor said. “Even when you hate it, you are honest. That is such a refreshing quality!”

Your Network Is Your Net Worth

My mentor sat forward.

“I know your views on networks, Shesh,” she said, seriously. “I know that you think they are facile and unjust and for weaklings.”

“You are wrong. I have wanted to say this before, but the time was not right. You would have ignored me. Now, you are seeing the difference between two similar capabilities, but with one multiplied by the factor of networking, and the outcomes thereof.”

“You are at the cusp of understanding how important it is to be seen, known, liked and trusted. A network is like a stage. Without one, you are part of the dark, unknown and unseen. With one, you are in the spotlight, and you are visible to the world who will yearn to see you succeed.”

I looked at her and nodded. She was right. I had spent so many years of my career not recognizing this elemental truth.

“From next week, I will teach you the art and science of networking. There are five main approaches that you will need to understand and master. Are you ready to do so?”

I nodded again. “Yes, I am,” I said.

She got up to see me to the door.

“I will leave you with this African proverb, Shesh,” she said, “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go with others.”

Time To Build An Springboard.

As I drove home, I recapped what I had learnt over the past three weeks.

1. Being effective is necessary, but not sufficient.
2. Without a network, I have no leverage.
3. A network is a force multiplier. A strong network would allow me to contribute and achieve so much more.
4. I have come as far as I can, alone. To go further, I need the support and goodwill of people.

I had wasted so much time. Enough. I was ready to expand my horizons.

****

[Note : This article is part 1 of a three part series on Networking. Today we discussed WHY. The next two articles will discuss the HOW and WHEN of Networking.]

Do send your inputs to me, either as a comment or as a PM.

Cheers | Shesh | Singapore | 22 September 2020.

Post Script :

1. For other interesting CEO Chronicles click here.
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To challenge time and win, we need to master Three Principles.

Time is My Enemy!

“I am sorry, my dear, Daddy cannot come and watch you submit your homework online,  Daddy is very busy with video calls…

“My apologies for the delay in submitting the report, sir; I had too much on my plate and just could not find the time…”

“Sorry, darling, we will need to cancel our vacation this year. I am snowed under, I don’t even have the time to breathe…”

How often have we said or heard similar words! At so many junctures in life, we have felt that time is our enemy, preventing us from achieving our diverse goals. How often have we felt that time is like fine sand – and the more we try to hold on to it, the more it slips away…

So, How Do We Win Against Time?

Time is our only truly finite resource: we may gain any amount of wealth, or success, or employees, or friends – but each of us gets 24 hours in a day, and a single lifetime’s worth of time. Because time seems limited, it is natural to feel that time is an enemy out to get us.

But this isn’t true. Time fails us because we fail in our approach to time.

We need to change our approach and learn the Three Principles that will allow us to challenge time and win.

The ‘But’ Conundrum

A few years ago, my mentor changed my whole attitude about time with one simple exercise.

He wrote, “I want to go to the beach but I have to work,” on the blackboard, illustrating a classic time squeeze conundrum.

“Is this true?” he asked me. “Let’s explore.”

Below “I want to go to the beach” he wrote: “I don’t want to go to the beach.”

And below “I have to work” he wrote: “I don’t have to work.”

“Now let’s remove the lies,” he said. “Is it true that I don’t want to go the beach? No.” And he crossed out I don’t want to go to the beach.

“Is it true that I don’t have to work? No.” And he crossed out I don’t have to work.

“There’s one more lie,” he said. “The third lie is ‘but.'”

He crossed out that single word, and with it my whole misunderstanding of time and choices.

“But” is about struggling with something that you don’t want.

However, if you like your job and you like the beach then you’re not struggling, you’re choosing.

“I want to go to the beach and I have to work.”

Getting rid of the “but” is the best way to start making time your friend.

Principle # 1 : Change The Narrative

Humans live by the calendar and the clock. We learn early that we must be on time or bad things will happen. Be late to pay your bills and you are penalised. Be late to finish your work and you lose that promotion.

A common phrase we use (and hear being used) is, “Life is too short to…”, implying that time is an opponent to be outraced.

But this narrative is wrong! It is because of the abundance of time and life that we want to seek change and transformation. Life is too long not to make the best of it!

When you have a problem that needs fixing, imagine what your life would be like if you delayed taking action to fix it.

See yourself a year from now with this problem still hanging around. What impact has it had on you? How has it hurt your relationships? What is it doing to you at work? What cost have you paid to your health?

Now take it out to five years. What have you lost? How much have you suffered? What have the people close to you been forced to pay?

When we consider the impact that leaving something unresolved for a long period of time can cause us, we realize the value of taking action in this moment. Time isn’t out to hurt us here. It is giving us an opportunity. And time is there for us, with us, waiting for you to take charge and choose.

The ‘Axe’ Conundrum

Once upon a time, a strong woodcutter got a job with a timber merchant. The pay was really good. The woodcutter was determined to do his best.

His boss gave him an axe and showed him the area where he supposed to work.

The first day, the woodcutter brought down 18 trees.

“Congratulations,” the boss said. “Keep up the great work!”

Very motivated, the woodcutter tried even harder the next day, but he could only cut 15 trees.

The third day he tried even harder, and worked for even longer hours but he could only bring down 10 trees.

The woodcutter was despondent. “However hard or long I work, I am not able to achieve my goal!”

He went to the boss and apologised, saying that he could not understand what was going on.

“When was the last time you sharpened your axe?” the boss asked.

“Sharpen? I had no time to sharpen my axe,” replied the woodcutter, “I have been very busy trying to cut trees…”

Principle # 2 : Focus Your Energy

The secret to lasting success is not managing time or working harder – it is about managing yourself, specifically your focus and energy.

We all have the same 24 hours every day. The main reason why some people achieve more in any given day than most people do in a month, is not because they manage time better – it is because they focus their energies better.

Every human is a storehouse of different forms of energy – physical, mental, emotional, spiritual. Each of these energies have their own rhythms and peaks and troughs. Each of these energies is renewable, and keeps getting sharpened, like an axe.

Instead of scheduling around time, we need to plan around our energy and willpower levels. By matching the times of the day we have the most energy with our most important tasks, we can significantly improve what we achieve.

As a rule, schedule your most important creative tasks at some point in the early hours of waking up when you have the most energy.

On the other hand, schedule your low creative tasks – emails, social media, phone calls – in the latter part of the day when your energy and willpower is lowest.

Here’s a quick example of scheduling around your energy levels –

• Creative energy (best between 4:00 -11:00 AM)
• Social energy (best between 6:00 -11:00 PM)
• Communication energy (phone calls, email, texts) (best between 2:00 – 5:00 PM)
• Learning energy (any time except afternoon)

Managing ourselves and scheduling around energy, rather than time, allows us to sustain and enhance our productivity and achievement.

One of Tony Robbins’ most memorable lines is, “Where focus goes, energy flows.”

The ‘Bucket’ Conundrum

The Professor stood at the head of the class. On his desk were a bag of sand, a bag of pebbles, some big rocks and bucket. He asked for a volunteer to put all three grades of stone into the bucket. A student stepped up to carry out the task, starting with the sand, then the pebbles, then the rocks. Sadly, the rocks do not all fit in the bucket.

The Professor then emptied out the bucket, separating the sand, pebbles and rocks on the desk once again.

“This is an analogy to time management,” he said. “If you’d have put the rocks in first, then the pebbles, then the sand, all three would have fit. By completing your most critical tasks first, you leave room to complete the less important tasks, and then your least critical ones. In tackling your least tasks first, you spend so much time on them that you leave yourself unable to complete the higher priority tasks satisfactorily. Let me show you..”

The Professor re-filled the bucket, big rocks first, then pebbles, then sand, shaking the bucket between each so that everything fits.

“There is always time,” said the Professor, “It is how we use it that makes the difference between success and failure.

Principle # 3 : Plan and Prioritize

Very often, we treat time as an unlimited resource. We hedge. And we procrastinate. We will ‘do it soon’, or ‘tomorrow’, or ‘as soon as I can’.

Time, like health, wellness and money, needs to be planned. For example, if you take a few minutes on Sunday to create a plan for your whole week, you will walk into work on Monday morning with a plan that will help you focus on priorities.

Schedule low-priority tasks for Mondays and other low-energy times. Complete creative and demanding tasks on Tuesday and Wednesday. Schedule meetings for Thursday, when your team’s energy starts to decline. Use your Fridays for planning and networking. Use the first 30 minutes of your day to create a daily to-do list that suits your weekly plan.

Prioritize the big tasks – place the rocks in the bucket first. Once you complete these, you will feel a sense of well-being that will allow you to race through the others.

Planning gives you visibility. Prioritizing gives you control.

As Dale Carnegie said long ago, “An hour of planning can save you 10 hours of doing.”

Time To Win

It is time to take control.

It is time to challenge time and win, with these Three Principles:

1. Change the narrative. Move from ‘struggle’ to ‘choice’
2. Focus your energy. Sharpen the axe, don’t swing it harder
3. Plan and prioritize. Take charge of the future.

If you master these Three Principles, you win the battle with time…

****

Do send your inputs to me, either as a comment or as a PM.

Cheers | Shesh | Singapore | 25 August 2020.

Post Script :

1. For other interesting CEO Chronicles click here.
2. Follow me so that you don’t miss the next issue of CEO Chronicles.

#BillionDollarLearnings #radicaladvice #ceochronicles #purpose #mentoring #careers #career #focus #success #growth

To survive a crisis and win, we need to master the “Five Weapons To Deal With The Post-Pandemic World”.

Rajat and Lynn knew about the Five Weapons.

Rajat ignored them.

Lynn honed them.

Storm On The Horizon

News item in September 2019 : Oil prices dip below US$ 40 per barrel

News item in December 2019 : IEA predicts flattening of global energy demand

Viral blogpost in December 2019 : China doctor arrested for posting video on ‘runaway virus’

News item in January 2020 : Wuhan locked down; virus rampages across region

News item in February 2020 : Thousands infected in Italy; virus sweeping into Europe

Having Sight, But No Vision

Rajat Chandra was a lucky man.

He had had a comfortable career so far. In his mid-thirties, Rajat was the Operations Manager in a reputed Maritime Services group headquartered in Singapore. He had just completed 5 years in the company, and was well thought off, by his management and his team-mates.

Rajat was good at his job, and knew enough to deliver steady outcomes. He was happy – he felt secure and stable.

A few months before, in November, the Managing Director nominated middle managers in Rajat’s company to attend a two day training seminar on career management. Run by two former CEOs, who were now professional coaches, the seminar addressed various career issues and concerns. One of the sessions was on the Five Weapons professionals needed to survive a crisis and thrive in the corporate world.

The session described and discussed the Five Weapons –

1. Situational Awareness
2. Flexibility & Mobility
3. Networking
4. Strategy & Planning
5. Continuous Learning

Rajat had enjoyed the seminar. He found the ‘Five Weapons’ session stimulating and fun, and the examples, both from historical and from current times, interesting.

But he also felt that he did not really need these weapons. The combination of security and stability had given birth to new feeling – complacency.

Famous Last Words

“Why would I need weapons?” Rajat thought. He was part of a good company, where the leadership took care of and invested in the employees. And, he was doing well, and had been promoted a year ago, and was hoping for another promotion within the next couple of years. He got along with his boss, and his numbers were looking good.

“These Five Weapons are more for executives and managers who are either in companies not doing well, or who are not doing so well themselves,” Rajat thought. In fact, he had shared this opinion with one of his colleagues  (and a good friend) Lynn Cheng.

“I don’t agree,” Lynn had replied, after hearing Rajat out. “I think all of us need to master these weapons. We have no control over the external environment, but we can prepare ourselves for the worst case scenario so that we can survive a crisis.”

Rajat had laughed. “Lynn, what worst case scenario? You know I read about global economics and finance all the time – the world is doing well, in fact never better! Why would I spend time mastering things I am never going to use?”

Lynn was insistent. “No, Rajat, those two CEOs were not fools. They did not sacrifice one-fourth of the seminar to focus on things that we would not need. Did you know that this is a newly incorporated session? They evidently see something we don’t.”

“No way,” Rajat scoffed, “We are doing great, and nothing is going to change that!”

Prepare For The Unexpected

Lynn Cheng had also had a nice life so far.

She was 31 years old and was Deputy HR Manager. She had been with the company for a little longer than Rajat. Lynn had started as an HR Officer, and had been promoted thrice in six years. She was that rare HR professional – trusted and liked by her colleagues.

Lynn was different from Rajat in one critical aspect. She knew that security and stability could be unpredictable and transient.

Lynn was completely energized by the career management seminar. Every session spoke to her, resonating with her own thoughts and opinions.

When she was younger, her father once quoted the then CEO of Intel, Andy Grove, to her :

“Success breeds Complacency. Complacency breeds Failure. Only the paranoid survive.”

The day after the seminar, Lynn started her journey to mastering the Five Weapons.

The Warrior’s Path

She first tackled Situational Awareness.

Lynn broke it into three parts – her company, her market and the general environment.

She read as much as could find about her company’s history, growth and performance. What she couldn’t find, she asked of her boss and colleagues. She spent some time with the CFO and understood the financial issues and stresses that the company was facing.

Lynn subscribed to various domain newsletters on the maritime sector. As she pored through these, she realized that the maritime industry was in bad shape. Hundreds of companies had closed down in the past few years, and even the remaining ones were financially teetering.

Then, she started browsing the internet on global issues – the increasing nationalism, the trade war between US and China, the struggles of emerging economies, the failures in world trade and cooperation.

Within two weeks, Lynn fully agreed with Andy Grove – “In such an environment, one definitely needs to be paranoid,’ she said to herself, “I will need to master the Five Weapons if I want to survive a crisis.”

Within four weeks, she realized that neither her nor Rajat’s jobs could be taken for granted. One misstep here or one change there, and the company would need to cut costs drastically.

In parallel, Lynn started planning her Strategy (and upgrading her Learning).

In her reading, she also learnt about the forces that were disrupting HR. During this, Lynn had come across a McKinsey article on how 40% of HR jobs in the future would be done by computers and bots. She agreed with the article – “Much of what we do is repetitive and patterned,” she thought, “So easy to digitalize.”

She realized that some parts of HR – talent management, performance management, employee engagement – would be difficult to offshore or digitalize. “If I want to continue in HR and survive a crisis, I will need to become an expert in these areas,” she said to herself.

Lynn looked for and joined two HR professional forums so that we could keep track of the state of the art and find avenues to learn and develop herself.

She visited a career counselor. “What areas, other than HR, can my current capabilities and competencies help me excel in?” she asked.

Lynn had always been good at Networking.

Now, she bumped it into high gear. Within 6 weeks, she had got to know and interact with more than 50 managers and leaders in the HR world through the forums.

A close friend advised her to develop her social media profile. With some help, she started writing a weekly blog on HR issues and inviting her friends, colleagues and acquaintances to contribute and engage.

Lynn also started a new initiative – she started calling on and meeting with HR and non-HR managers in the various organizations in her building. There were more than a 100 companies, and she planned to build at least one relationship in each company in the next 6-7 months.

Finally, Lynn evaluated her personal situation, to see how Flexible she really was. 

She totaled up her assets, calculated her monthly outgo, spoke to her parents about their needs, consulted a wealth manager friend. Lynn quickly learnt that she had not given her own financial security enough priority in the past. Being flexible, she realized, was to a large extent, an outcome of being financially independent.

Lynn calculated that she had enough to sustain herself for about 9-12 months. But that was not sufficient. To be able to survive a crisis, she needed to be able to sustain at least 24-26 months.

She sat with her (newly appointed) wealth manager and put in place a new approach. Together, they laid out specific goals to achieve and decided on a savings and investment plan to reach this soon. She also enlisted for an online course in personal investing.

By March 2020, Lynn was well on her way to achieving most of her milestones, if not her goals. She felt much more confident that she could survive a crisis now, but did not allow herself to become complacent.

Tragedy Strikes

On 15 April 2020, both Rajat Chandra and Lynn Cheng received notices of termination with immediate effect.

“The Company is unable to sustain its current operations, and regretfully needs to seek judicial protection,” said the letters.

Rajat was shocked and flabbergasted.

Lynn was saddened. But not surprised.

You Shall Reap What You Sow

Today, four months later, Rajat is at home, applying for jobs. His savings are gradually running out. He now suffers from hypertension and is on medication.

Meanwhile, Lynn is Talent Management Specialist in one of the top e-commerce companies in the world. She earns 30% more than what she did previously.

Lynn is not resting, however. She continues to hone her Five Weapons.

1. Situational Awareness
2. Flexibility & Mobility
3. Networking
4. Strategy & Planning
5. Continuous Learning

Lynn knows that success is never final. That she has to be armed and ready for the next shock, the next upheaval.

Lynn is not just a survivor. She is a winner.

As you can be, if you master the Five Weapons…

****

If you are more Rajat than Lynn, start learning how to wield the Five Weapons NOW. If you are more Lynn than Rajat, help me share these principles with your colleagues and friends, so that they may prepare themselves before it is too late. 

Do send your inputs to me, either as a comment or as a PM.

Cheers | Shesh | Singapore | 11 August 2020.

Post Script :

1. For other interesting CEO Chronicles click here.
2. Follow me so that you don’t miss the next issue of CEO Chronicles.

#BillionDollarLearnings #radicaladvice #ceochronicles #purpose #mentoring #careers #career #careeradvice #careerguidance #bestadvice #personaldevelopment

Five weapons to deal with the post-pandemic world? Really? Why do I need them?

Read on…

I am so sorry, but…

“…we have to let you go…”

“…we need to reduce salaries by 50%…”

“…we are out-sourcing your entire department to Philippines…”

“…the company is unable to meet its obligations, and going into liquidation…”

I truly hope and pray that you have not heard any of the above sentences.

But there is no guarantee that you will not hear these directed at you in the next five years..

Why?

Because disruption, change and transition are becoming the permanent feature of our lives, both in the workplace and out of it.

And because the markets are morphing faster than most companies can cope with.

Because ‘black swan’ events are becoming as common as white swans.

Because politicians and nations are tearing at the tapestry that has been painstakingly developed over the past 70 years, leading to nationalist bombast and global disconnects.

And because you are unprepared and do not have all the tools and weapons you need to survive and thrive in an uncaring, juggernaut world.

The world has changed beyond recognition in the last 6 months. An organism without intellect, form, strategy, or desire has rendered us fearful, cowering and suspicious of one another. It has stopped us from entering our workplaces, from travelling, from entertainment, from sports. It has rendered us humans, the most powerful of all species on earth, impotent.

Oh No! What Should I Do?

Prepare.

You need to prepare to survive and thrive in a situation where the odds are against you.

Prepare to fight forces that are much more powerful, and win.

And to prepare for the future, look to the past.

Hannibal and the Romans

The year was 218 BCE.

Carthage and Rome were at war.

Hannibal, Carthage’s general, realised that he was taking on the most powerful army in the world.

His first major battle in Italy at Trebia was an incomplete success as the Roman center broke free and escaped.

So, he changed his tactics. Deep in the forested hills of Italy, Hannibal planned to trap the entire Roman army. Taking advantage of the aggressive pursuit of the Roman general Flaminius, Hannibal led the Romans onto a narrow path between Lake Trasimene and the rolling hills.

Hannibal had set a small force at the far side of the lake with large amounts of baggage, fire and plenty of smoke. This was to make it seem that they were the rearguard of his army marching or preparing to march just over the next hill. Flaminius took the bait and sent his men in a pursuit column to quickly march along the narrow road between the hills and the coast.

Little did Flaminius know that the hills he was squeezing past contained the vast majority of Hannibal’s hidden army. Once Flaminius’ force had all been funneled into the gap, the Carthaginians charged down the hills, smashing into the disorganized Roman marching column. Nearly the entire 30,000 man Roman army was killed or captured. Hannibal won decisively.

The battle of Lake Trasimene remains, after 2,200 years, the biggest successful ambush in history.

What weapons did Hannibal use to succeed against a vastly superior force?

The Five Weapons

Hannibal was only 27 years old when he took over as general of the Carthaginian army.

He did not have the experience that Rome’s generals had; nor he did not have their massive armies; and he surely did not have their unending wealth.

What he had was five weapons. What he had was (AND SO CAN YOU!) :

Weapon # 1 : Situational Awareness 

Situational awareness is the study and perception of environmental elements and events, understanding them and their impact, and recognising their impact on the future.

It is critical to planning and preparing yourself for the changing, shifting world. It is necessary to ensure that we are not caught unawares, and find ourselves on the wrong side of any table.

Hannibal learnt everything he could about the countries and armies around him. He sent out spies, he built networks, he made allies – all to ensure that he was always situationally aware.

This allowed him to understand Rome’s military tactics and plan his own to counter them.

Weapon # 2 : Flexibility & Mobility 

Hannibal realized early the need to be agile, the need for speed, the ability to turn on a dime.

He recognized that inertia was a fatal flaw; that the tortoise wins only in fables and not in real life.

He trained himself and his armies in moving quickly. Legend has it that the entire force of 8,000 soldiers could set up or break camp in less than 6 hours. He developed the concept of redundancy – he not just had a Plan B, he had a Plan C, a Plan D and a Plan E – and he ensured that he could switch from one to the other at lightning speed.

Weapon # 3 : Networking 

Long before Facebook and LinkedIn, Hannibal knew the criticality of networking.

First, with his own army. Hannibal lived among his soldiers and worked alongside them. He knew his men well, and built amazing relationships.

Second, with adjoining kingdoms and countries. Hannibal realized that if he was going to war, he would need allies. He could not leave his back vulnerable while rushing forward. He built alliances, partnership and friendships across Europe.

Weapon # 4 : Strategy

Hannibal had a clear vision and strategy; but he did not cast this in stone. He knew, long before modern military strategists, that “no battle plan survives the first contact with the enemy”.

He had a broad overarching vision (he knew what he wanted to achieve), and multiple approaches and strategies that he could shift between, choosing the most optimal path for that moment in time.

By doing this, Hannibal always kept ahead of the situation unfolding around him.

Weapon # 5 : Learning

Hannibal is one of the earliest historical generals who is known to have been ‘a student for life’.

He realised that his knowledge needed to be continuously updated and refreshed. If it was not, his strategy would be out of date, his plans would become stale, his relationships would wither.

He would read and listen and ask questions and send out scouts and pore over maps and understand cultures and behaviours.

When he won, he spent time understanding why. When he lost, he did the same. Every day was a day to add to his knowledge, to his understanding, to his appreciation of the world.

The Art Of War

Hannibal, like you, lived in tumultuous and disruptive times. He, too, was young and ambitious. He, too, wanted to survive and win and succeed.

Let us be clear – you, like Hannibal, are at war. A different kind of war, but a war nevertheless. You are at war with political incompetence, corporate greed, geopolitical tension, black swans, climate change, morphing workplaces. Each of these can hurt you, render you and your family vulnerable and homeless, can cause you hurt and pain and suffering.

You, like Hannibal, need to arm yourself with these five weapons that will allow you to battle with and overcome the challenges that you face today and will face increasingly tomorrow.

What are these five weapons?

1. Situational Awareness
2. Flexibility & Mobility
3. Networking
4. Strategy & Planning
5. Continuous Learning

Armed with these five weapons, Hannibal took on the most powerful army in the world and won.

So can you.

****

If you fear the ‘I am so sorry… situation’ for those you care, help me share thse principles with them, so that they may prepare themselves before it is too late…

Please send your inputs to me, either as a comment or as a PM.

Cheers | Shesh | Singapore | 28 July 2020.

Post Script :

1. For other interesting CEO Chronicles click here.
2. Follow me so that you don’t miss the next issue of CEO Chronicles.

#ceochronicles #careeradvice #careers #bestadvice #hiringandpromotion #personaldevelopment #success #leadership #purpose #fulfilment

Resilience & the Perfect Employee

This is the story of the incredible resilience of a 45 year old woman, struck by a tragedy in the prime of her life.

Why this story?

You may recall that in #ceochronicles article # 20, we asked, ‘What qualities make up a perfect employee?’

We agreed that the four main qualities of a PERRfect employee are –

• Proactivity
• Emotionally Intelligence
• Reliability, and
• RESILIENCE

In the articles that followed, we discussed proactivity, emotional intelligence and reliability, and how we can build these qualities in ourselves.

This story shows us what resilience really is, and how we can make it part of our professional armory.

Loss

She sat in the darkening room. Her eyes were dry. She just had no more tears. As her eyes scanned the room, errant memories surfaced.

He used to sit in that easy chair, enjoying his coffee and newspaper every Sunday morning.

That is the sideboard we bought when our first son was born. How shocked we were when we found out the price!

Today is Saturday; we would have all gone to the temple together.

No more.

That life was no more. He, her husband, was no more. Not even 50, he had left her and their four children bereft. A heart attack, they said. We tried everything, they said. It’s God’s will, they said.

The tumult had died down. His body had been cremated. The countless rituals that various relatives insisted on were done. The house was almost empty, reflecting what she felt.

What was she to do? She had never envisaged this future in her wildest imaginings. In all her visions, he was always there by her side. And now he wasn’t and never would be.

What was she to do?

Recovery

As a matter of habit, she wiped her dry eyes with the pallu of her sari. She took a deep breath.

First, I have to make sure that the children are not impacted in any way, she thought. Shri needs to go back to college at the earliest. Once he immerses himself, he will recover.

Chandra, too. I never know what’s in that boy’s mind, she thought. He must be hurting badly, but doesn’t show it at all.

Her heart seemed to tear apart when she thought of her youngest two. Oh, they are too young to lose their father, her mind cried. 13 and 11! How cruel can life be?

I have to look for the bank passbooks. How much money do we have? Not very much, I think.

When are the college and school fees due? When is the next rent due?

She almost broke down again. He would handle all these issues, she thought. I don’t even know how much the fees are! Shri has another 3 years, and Chandra has another 5 years. How will we manage?

She recalled a snippet of conversation from earlier that week –

“Just come over to Trichy and live with us. We are there for you. We will take care of everything…”

As tempting as that sounded, her back straightened with resolve. I am not going to be a burden on anyone. My children will not be a burden on anyone. Whatever we do, we will do by ourselves.

She stood up, feeling more tired than she had ever before in her life. Strangely, at the same time, she also felt a sense of strength that she did not know existed. She started walking to the cupboard to find the bank papers, her stride becoming firmer with every step.

Response

Seven years had passed.

She sat in the front row, excited and proud to be witnessing her youngest son’s convocation ceremony. Guests were still being ushered in, the hall was alive with chatter.

She also felt a sense of tremendous relief.

Shri has completed his post graduation and is doing so well in the US, she sighed. Chandra is a full fledged doctor. And now, Sesha will start his career as an engineer. Padma is well on her way to completing her BA. What an amazing girl she is – so supportive and caring!

I never thought we would make it, she thought.

As the hall gradually filled up with parents and families, her mind slipped back in time. How did we make it? she asked herself. Her mind scanned the thousands of memories, sliding over them, but not finding anything that stood out.

Probably God’s will, she said to herself, as the first announcement for the graduation ceremony shook her out of her reverie.

My Mother’s Guide To Resilience

No, it was not God’s will.

It was my mother’s will. It was her courage, her patience, her persistence, her belief in herself and in her family and her willingness to work 25 hours a day.

Today, 45 years later, we know how she made it. She started with the first component of resilience, which is

1. Courage

My mother is the most courageous person I have known.

I whine when the smallest of issues befall me. “Oh, my car stereo is not working. Why does this always happen to me?” It’s easy to be a victim, isn’t it?

Even before my father died, my mother soldiered through the most difficult of times, never complaining, never ever allowing any of what she went through to be known to or seen by her children. It was only later on in life that we realised how much we were insulated and protected by her.

My mother is a small woman. And physically rather frail. But in terms of her ability to cope and stand strong, she is a giant.

Many years later, when we asked her how she coped with her husband’s sudden and premature passing, she would say, “What could I do? I did not have the luxury of extended grieving. You were four hungry, growing children. I had to put aside my personal issues and make sure that you had whatever you needed to complete your studies successfully and start living your independent lives. That was what drove my every thought, my every action.”

My mother doesn’t use words like courage. She lives them.

“Courage is not the absence of fear. It is overcoming fear, knowing that you have to achieve a goal regardless.”

The next quality that comprises resilience is

2. Patience

My mother understands the value of patience.

When we were young, and desperately wanted something, she would say, “Be patient, there is a time and place for everything.”

When she was going through her darkest hours, she realised that she had to play the long game. Yes, everything seemed dire and disastrous, but that was now. There was always tomorrow. And the day after tomorrow. And the day after that. She had to get through each day, step by difficult step, patiently doing what needed to be done, so that tomorrow was better.

My mother pawned her jewelry to put her children through college, her heart breaking as she did so, but hoping and believing that she would one day, get it all back. One day, she did.

She fought a court battle to evict recalcitrant tenants for over 7 years, finally getting possession of the house her husband and she had built with their toil and tears.

She still has this amazing quality of ‘calm’; the ability to remain unflurried even in a maelstrom.

“In battling the challenges of life, the two most powerful weapons are patience and time.”

A third component of resilience that my mother taught us by example is

3. Persistence

My mother doesn’t know when to quit.

She never, never gives up.

We, her children, were not the obedient, amenable examples that parents dream of, before they have children. We were headstrong, opinionated, argumentative and disobedient.

She recognised that arguing was futile. So she waited us out. We went through teenage rebellion. She was there for us and gave us her advice when we asked. We went through adolescent angst. She waited, and gave us her shoulder to cry one. We went through crests and troughs, seeking ourselves. She fed us and listened to us and suggested that we look at things differently.

In time, one by one, we fell in line. We recognised the value of the values she wanted us to live by. We understood what was right. Her teachings, previously seeds on arid soil, took root and bloomed.

My mother always played the long game. She never gives up.

When we were young, my mother told us about a small stream encountering a large rock.

“The stream finally cut its way through the rock,” she said, “not because of how powerful it was, but because of how persistent it was.”

Yet another quality that supported my mother’s resilience was

4. Belief

My mother believes. In herself, in God, in her family, in people. She believes that good will prevail. That all will be well in the end.

She was fortunate to have wonderful, supportive parents and loving siblings. She knew she could count on them, even if she never leaned on them.

My mother was fortunate to have the help of people who came forward to advise and guide her in sorting out the administrative mess than any intestate death brings.

She was lucky to have a few close friends whom she could speak to, confide in and pour her heart out complaining about her headstrong, disobedient children.

She has immense faith in the Almighty. This faith carries her across arid deserts and stormy waves.

Her belief sustained her through the worst of times; it calmed her in the best of times.

I remember reading a quote and immediately thinking of my mother –

“The sky is not the limit. Your belief-system is.”

The final quality that defines resilience (and my mother) is

5. Hard work

My mother worked 16 hours every day. Seven days a week.

She arose at 4:00 AM and slept at 10:00 PM. (I think she still does!)

My mother hates depending on anyone else. She hates taking shortcuts. She believes in the joy and satisfaction of doing something herself and doing it well.

My mother always believed and still believes that our actions define our intent. Work, she believes, is worship.

When I was 9 and was crying about something I wanted and did not have, she said,

“You get what you work for, not what you wish for”

The Power of Resilience

My mother taught me the 5 qualities that comprise resilience.

1. Courage
2. Patience
3. Persistence
4. Belief
5. Hard work

Not rocket science. (Though she also taught me physics when I was young). Simple, timeless qualities.

I hope her lessons will serve you well, as they did me.

****

Would you like to name and thank the people in your life who taught you to be resilient? It would be great to celebrate our gurus and mentors!

Cheers | Shesh | Singapore | 14 April 2020.

Post Script :

1. For other interesting CEO Chronicles click here.
2. Follow me so that you don’t miss the next issue of CEO Chronicles.

#ceochronicles #careeradvice #careers #bestadvice #hiringandpromotion #personaldevelopment #success #leadership

Resilience

This week, I was to write about the fourth weapon in the PERRfect Employee’s arsenal – Resilience.

However, we are in a dire situation where the whole world needs resilience. Countries, communities, companies, individuals across the globe are in the thrall of a pandemic. Borders are being shut down, jobs are being lost, subsistence is at risk, fever is raging and the bodies are piling. How do we cope?

So, rather than write about the components of resilience or the professional’s path to resilience, I am sharing two touching stories about people who have gone through their darkest times and found their way out into light.

These stories are extracts from www.optionb.org, a platform that helps people build resilience and find meaning in the face of adversity.

My Husband Murdered His Father!

That moment that everything changes. For me, that was July 17, 1989. Sitting in a police interrogation room, my world crashed down as I listened to two detectives tell me that my husband had coordinated and carried out the murder of his father.

At the time, I was newly married and seven months pregnant. When I learnt that the man I had loved and planned a family with could do such a horrible thing, it buried my head, my heart, and my hope for the future in darkness.

As much as I wanted to move forward and back into the light, reminders of that day were inescapable for the next several years. Newspaper headlines and evening news stories about my husband’s case were a regular occurrence. My hometown community whispered. Friends walked away. His trial and sentencing to twenty-two years to life brought even more press coverage and chatter.

But in that time of darkness, my beautiful child was born. My desire to move forward turned into a need to move forward. The need begat a will to move forward. And I began to see that I had options for my life, and my daughter’s life, other than those that were crushed. I would find another option, and it would be good.

Finding Option B

This was not easy. It required me to step out of complacency and into action. As I navigated my divorce, I had to use my voice in a new and assertive way, something that I was not used to. Being burdened by all of the financial obligations of my ex-husband’s debts tested my negotiation skills. I faced and dealt with the emotional fallout of fear, betrayal and anxiety. For the first time, I was truly choosing to happen to life, rather than letting life happen to me. I was choosing resiliency.

There were moments when I had to simply rely on a will-do attitude, rather than a can-do attitude. At times, I wanted to sink back under what felt like the weight of the world. But as I took accountability and responsibility for shaping my future, and that of my daughter, I decided that my life would be a life of victory, not of being a victim of someone else’s actions and the judgment and darkness they brought.

In the years since, I have found a healthy and loving relationship. I have raised three daughters to be strong, independent women. At the age of thirty-five, I returned to college and earned my degree on the same day that my oldest daughter earned hers. I have traveled the world.

Along the journey, life has tested my resilience time and again. Emotions, questions, anger, confusion, and hurt didn’t just disappear when I chose something different for our lives. But as issues arise, I feel, address, and work through them. I learn from them.

You see, I did not just move forward to exist. I bounced forward and am living.

Suddenly, The World Went Dark

A week after New Year’s Day, Gabby Giffords was shot. The year of 2011, which had started so inspired, had turned into a tragedy..

Gabby loved New Year’s. To her, starting afresh has significant meaning. Before she was shot, Gabby was one of those dedicated New Year’s resolution-makers – she always had a list of 10 things she wanted to achieve, whether reading more books or finally taking lessons in the French horn, the instrument she played in college. She always prompted her husband to make his own resolution, because he never would without her encouragement. But that year, and every year since, she’s had one resolution: to keep fighting through her recovery.

Gabby was shot by a zealot, who also killed and injured eighteen other people in his shooting spree. In one instant, her life and those of her family changed.

Gabby was shot point blank in the head. She was not expected to live. But she did. She survived and after two harrowing weeks in the hospital, began the long road to recovery.

Gabby suffered from severe aphasia, a result of her traumatic brain injury, which made speaking difficult. She was paralyzed in her right arm and right leg, so she had difficulty moving around. Gabby lost 50% of her vision in both eyes. These struggles remain to this day.

An Uphill Journey

On 1^st August, 2011, eight months after she was shot, Gabby made her first public appearance on the House floor to vote in favor of raising the debt limit ceiling. She was met with a standing ovation and accolades from her fellow members of Congress.

On 22^nd January, 2012, Gabby announced that she would resign from her congressional seat in order to concentrate on her recovery, but promised to return to public service in the future.

Over the past years, Gabby has gone through intensive rehabilitation treatments. Her surgeon noted that Gabby’s recovery was long, arduous and tiring, and expressed amazement at her progress.

Even through all the pain and trauma, Gabby opened her heart and home to everyone who wanted to talk to her. She refuses to give up, and stills sees the world in a positive light. Gabby runs a political action committee “Giffords: Courage to Fight Gun Violence.” She is still a vital politician and activist, active on Twitter and working passionately to give voice to millions of regular Americans who desire gun control and safety.

It’s coming on nine years now. And in that time, Gabby and her husband Mark have learned a lot.

“You may find that after times of tragedy or struggle, your cherished traditions change,” says Mark. “Some may disappear. Others may just need to wait, for now. But if you leave yourself open to them, new ones will appear – and you’ll find causes for celebration and types of resolve that you may not have otherwise imagined…”

The Power of Resilience

As we see from the above stories, resilience is the hard fought ability to bounce back from tough situations. Resilience is about NOT becoming a victim of helplessness and angst.

So often, we go through such horrible situations that it seems impossible to come out strong on the other end. But resilience allows us to just this. Once we learn to take control of our lives, prepare for the unexpected, reinforce our mental, spiritual and physical selves, we will find ourselves living happier, more purpose-filled lives. We will also learn to handle adversity with calm and deliberation.

Increasing our resilience is about willpower, about deliberate action, about being adaptable, about self esteem.

We will discuss these aspects of resilience in the next article.

Till then, let us all be healthy, safe and positive. Let us try and help those around us whose ability to cope is less than ours. To find ways to be proactive and empathetic with our families, friends, neighbours and community members. Let us be products of our actions, not of our circumstances.

This pandemic, too, will pass. We will be strong again.

****

Cheers | Shesh | Singapore | 31 March 2020.

Post Script :

1. For other interesting CEO Chronicles click here.
2. Follow me so that you don’t miss the next issue of CEO Chronicles.

Credits :

1. Article # 1 : Angie Mozilo, June 2017, optionb.org
2. Article # 2 : Gabby Giffords & Mark Kelly, November 2017, otionb.org

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The Perfect Employee : Reliability

In #ceochronicles article # 20, we asked, ‘What qualities make up a perfect employee?’ 

We agreed that the four main qualities of a PERRfect employee are –

• Proactivity
• Emotional Intelligence
• RELIABILITY, and
• Resilience

Now that we have identified these qualities, you asked me –

• What are the components of Reliability?
• How can I be (and be seen as) a Reliable Employee?”

As always, great questions. Let me share…

A Reliable Story

It was 2007. One of my friends, Rajesh, the CEO of a electronics products company in Singapore was in the final stages of an acquisition of a small competitor.

All of a sudden, one Sunday morning, he received a call from Delhi informing him that his father had had a heart attack and was in the hospital. His mother needed him there immediately.

He and his wife, Shobha, booked their tickets and starting packing to leave.

Rajesh was in a quandary. There was no question that he was needed by his father’s side. But, he was also needed in Singapore to close out the acquisition. He could not do this remotely. He needed to identify someone completely reliable. As he was preparing to leave, he scanned his organisation in his mind. Ten minutes later, while waiting for the taxi, he called his COO.

“Good morning, Serena,’ he said, “sorry to disturb you so early. My Dad’s in hospital and I have to leave for Delhi now.”

“Hi, Rajesh,” said Serena, “I am so sorry to hear this. What happened?”

Rajesh explained the situation to Serena. Then, he came to the reason for his call.

“Serena, I want to make Anwar the point man for the purchase. He will substitute for me. Can you please inform him, and ask him to call me? I will be getting into a taxi shortly.”

“Anwar?” asked Serena. “Don’t you want me to handle this?” She seemed a little taken aback.

“Serena, you have enough and more on your plate,” said Rajesh, “Also, Anwar has been part of the transaction from day one. Just ask him to call me.”

Fast forward to nine days later.

Rajesh walked into the office. His father had recovered and was back home, in good health. There was a loud cheer and applause as he entered.

“Thank you, guys!” he said, “great work, everyone! Well done!”

After shaking many hands and receiving a bunch of high fives, he reached his cabin. As he settled in his chair, he looked back at the previous week. I owe Anwar a huge debt, he thought. Without him, this deal would have collapsed. Anwar is such a reliable person. He is worthy of a much bigger role…

He swiveled his chair and looked out of the window, as his mind went back…

Understand expectations

When Anwar called, Rajesh and Shobha were in the taxi on the way to the airport.

“Good morning, boss,” said Anwar, “Serena told me about your father. So sorry, and all the best. What would you like me to do?”

“Thanks, Anwar,” said Rajesh, “I need  you to take charge of the merger. Can you do this?”

There was a pause. “If you can guide me from Delhi, without impacting your time with your father, I think I can,” said Anwar, “but I need to understand specifically what are the issues I need to focus on, and what are the specific outcomes we want.”

The conversation continued till Rajesh reached the airport, and then both signed off.

Six hours later, Rajesh and Shobha landed in Delhi. Once in the Uber, Rajesh opened his email. There was one from Anwar with the subject line, “List of expectations”. Rajesh opened the e-mail and read it carefully. Over the next 30 minutes, he entered his comments and sent them to Anwar.

By the next morning, Anwar and Rajesh had agreed on the specific expectations of Anwar to complete the transaction.

STEP 1 : Always set sharp, clear and specific expectations. Leave no question marks. Set your target so precisely that your arrow will strike it exactly. The more precise the expectation, the more reliable the outcome.

Plan & Prioritize

By Monday morning, Anwar had a list of 30 items that he was expected to oversee and complete.

He spent the first half of the day at the whiteboard. He wrote out all the items and arranged them in order of what needed to be completed first, what items followed which, the estimated amount of time each item needed and the resources required for each.

Then, he then went to speak to Serena.

“Serena, I need your help,” he said, “could you give your advice?”

“Of course, Anwar,” said Serena. For the next 2 hours, they spent time discussing the plan on the whiteboard. Serena made suggestions and changes, and by 3:00 PM, both had agreed on the plan and the priorities.

Serena then called for a meeting and invited 4 colleagues. Over the course of another 2 hours, the ‘task force’ went through the plan, the actions and who would do what, by when.

At the end of the meeting, Serena asked each member of the team whether they had any concerns or issues, and resolved the few that came up.

The task force was ready. They agreed that they would meet every morning at 8:30 AM to carry out a review and plan the activities for the day.

STEP 2 : Proper Preparation Prevents Poor Performance. As Abraham Lincoln said, “Give me six hours to chop down a tree, and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.” The better the preparation, the more reliable the result.

Communicate. Then, Communicate Again.

Before leaving for the day, Anwar sent the detailed plan to Rajesh. He then asked for a call.

Anwar then called the lawyers and bankers involved in the deal and informed them of the situation. They agreed that they would meet the next day at 10:00 AM at Anwar’s office and discuss the plan.

Rajesh called Anwar after dinner. Anwar took Rajesh through the plan, the people in the task force, the timelines and the areas of concern.

Rajesh asked a few questions, but could not find anything amiss. Anwar and Rajesh agreed to have two catch-up calls every day, one at lunch time and one just after dinner.

Rajesh informed Anwar that he had already spoken to the CEO of the target company and informed him of his unavailability, and of Anwar’s nomination as lead.

The next morning, Anwar and the task force met at 8:30 AM. They agreed on the specific tasks to be completed that day. They agreed to catch up just before lunch for a quick review and once at 6:00 PM, before the close of the day.

Then, Anwar and Serena met with the the lawyers and the bankers and took them through the plan. Anwar asked them to allocate their team members for each of the items that needed their inputs, which they did. They agreed that they would have a catch-up call every afternoon at 5:00 PM.

Anwar requisitioned one of the meeting rooms for the next week, and put up the plan and timelines on the whiteboard, so that it was accessible and visible to everyone involved.

STEP 3 : Proactively communicate. Avoid surprises. Remember Bill Gates’ words, “Like a human being, a company has to have a robust internal communication mechanism, a ‘nervous system’ to coordinate its actions.” The more transparent the communication, the more reliable the teamwork.

Initiate & Close

Anwar uploaded the plan and timelines onto his mobile phone, as a task list. Every 2 hours or so, he would check this, and evaluate progress.

Each time an item was reported as completed, Anwar sent a message to the task force, and asked for acceptance from everyone that the item was closed. This served both as confirmation as well as information to the team to move to the next step.

On Thursday, the team were to receive a notarised document from the target company. They did not. Anwar did not waste time calling or following up. He informed Serena and drove to the company’s office. There, he asked to see the CEO and CFO, and explained the issue and the importance. The CFO and he drafted and finalized the document and together, went to a nearby notary and notarized the document. Anwar thanked the CFO and returned to his office with the required document.

By Friday, 26 of the 30 items were completed. Anwar filed documented evidence of each closure in a folder in his desk drawer. The morning meeting was full of anticipation – the finish line was near!

By late Friday evening, all the items were closed. All that remained was the formal signing. Anwar reported to Serena and together, they called Rajesh and updated him of progress.

Rajesh, in his turn, gave them an update of his situation. His father was better, but he needed to stay in Delhi till Monday evening. They agreed that Serena would be the authorized signatory for the signing. After the call, Rajesh and Serena got onto a call with the CEO of the target company and informed him that Serena would preside over the signing ceremony.

On Monday, Serena signed the deal. Anwar stood behind her, a sense of relief and achievement writ large on his face.

STEP 4 : Initiative and closure are the bookends of reliability and success. The best way to finish strong is to start strong. The more the initiative, the more reliable the closure.

How To Be Reliable

Being reliable is not rocket science. Let’s recap. It is about 4 STEPS –

1. Understanding expectations
2. Planning and prioritizing
3. Communicating, and finally,
4. Taking initiative and closing what we start

Reliability is an amazing quality. Reliable people get and keep friends more easily, forge deeper relationships, receive the best opportunities, are granted more autonomy at work, have more self-confidence and live with integrity.

I hope you will be able to use the 4 STEPS to make yourself indispensable to the people around you – to be the ‘go to’ person, the person others value, respect and promote.

(BTW, today, Anwar is the CEO of a maritime services group in Singapore.)

****

Lets start now!!  Score yourself from 1-10 for each of the 4 STEPS.  Every step that gets a perfect 10, celebrate it in your comments, so that others are encouraged to move towards a perfect score. No perfect score? Write to me and schedule a free 30 min reliability check!

Cheers | Shesh | Singapore | 17 March 2020.

Post Script :

1. For other interesting CEO Chronicles click here.
2. Follow me so that you don’t miss the next issue of CEO Chronicles.

#ceochronicles #careeradvice #careers #bestadvice #hiringandpromotion #personaldevelopment #success #leadership

A lesson from a cockroach

In #ceochronicles article 22, we began our discussion on Emotional Intelligence (and Emotional Quotient or EQ). We met Peter and Paul and saw how differently they reacted to the same situation. We discussed the definition of Emotional Intelligence (EI) and how this quality can change our lives for the better.

While I was reading about EI and EQ, I came across this brilliant extract from a speech by Mr. Sundar Pichai, CEO of Google, which I thought you would love!

To Scream or Not To Scream?

At a restaurant, a cockroach suddenly flew from somewhere and sat on a lady.

She started screaming out of fear.

With a panic stricken face and trembling voice, she started jumping, with both her hands desperately trying to get rid of the cockroach.

Her reaction was contagious, as everyone in her group also got panicky.

The lady finally managed to push the cockroach away but …it landed on another lady in the group.

Now, it was the turn of the other lady in the group to continue the drama.

A waiter, hearing the commotion, rushed forward.

In the relay of throwing, the cockroach next fell upon the waiter.

The waiter stood firm, composed himself and observed the behavior of the cockroach on his shirt.

When he was confident enough, he grabbed it with his fingers, walked to the door and threw it out of the restaurant.

Sipping my coffee and watching the amusement, the antenna of my mind picked up a few thoughts and started wondering, was the cockroach responsible for their histrionic behavior?

If so, then why was the waiter not disturbed?

He handled it near to perfection, without any chaos.

It is not the cockroach, but the inability of the ladies to handle the presence of the cockroach that disturbed the ladies.

I realized that, it is not the shouting of my father or my boss or my wife that disturbs me, but it’s my inability to handle the disturbances caused by their shouting that disturbs me.

It’s not the traffic jams on the road that disturbs me, but my inability to handle the disturbance caused by the traffic jam that disturbs me.

More than the problem, it’s my reaction to the problem that creates chaos in my life.

The Cockroach Theory

I understood that I should not react in life.

That I should always respond.

The women reacted, whereas the waiter responded.

Reactions are always instinctive, whereas responses are always well thought of, just and right to save a situation from going out of hand, to avoid cracks in relationship, to avoid taking decisions in anger, anxiety, stress or hurry.

How does Emotional Intelligence help?

Just as Peter’s EQ helped him keep calm and thoughtful, so did the waiter’s. Both of them rose above the situations they were in and took actions that benefited not just themselves but everyone around them.

Emotionally intelligent employees are dependable and reliable.

They look at the whole picture and act with thought and planning.

Such employees understand not just their own needs, but the needs and requirements of others around them.

They recognise that ‘no man is an island’ and put their team or community ahead of themselves.

By doing all this, they build an amazing reputation. People respect them. Organisations recognise them as leaders. People look to them in times of crisis.

Having a high EQ sets you apart and puts you ahead.

How do I become Emotionally Intelligent?

The 8 steps to becoming Emotionally Intelligent are :

1. Understanding your emotions and tapping into them

We rarely try and understand our emotions. Most often, we ignore them or suppress them. But when we ignore our feelings, we are overlooking an important and integral part of ourselves. Our emotions have a huge effect on our mindsets and behaviours.

We need to start understanding our feelings and connecting them to our experiences.

For example, when we are at work and we hear that a colleague has bad-mouthed us. What emotions arise when this happens? Or, when we are praised for completing a project on time. What exactly do we feel? Naming our emotions – sadness, embarrassment, joy, contentment, etc., will help us understand how we react to different situations and stimuli, and help us understand ourselves better.

2. Seeing the links between your emotions and your behaviour

The next step is to understand the impact of emotion on our behaviour. How do we react when we feel a particular emotion?

Do we withdraw when we are embarrassed? Or do we become belligerent?

Do we raise our voices when we are angry, or do we walk away to be alone?

Do we cry when we feel hurt or do we try and take it out on someone else?

The more we understand what emotion causes which behavioral impulse, the better we will be able to actually control and change our behaviour to our advantage.

3. Accepting yourself

Often, we don’t like our emotions. As often, we don’t like ourselves when we are emotional.

All our emotions are valid, even the negative ones. Every emotion we have is a new piece of useful information connected to something that’s happening around us. Without this information, we will not know how to adequately respond to different situations – we will only react.

I have personally found it very difficult rationally evaluating and accepting my emotions. For many years, I have practiced letting negative emotions surface and connecting them to what is happening around and to me. By doing so, I have learnt my ‘hot buttons’ and ‘triggers’. Today, I am better equipped to know what emotion triggers which reaction in me, and to consciously try and plan my response.

4. Planning your behaviour

We cannot control the emotions we feel, but we can decide how we respond to them. If I have an issue with lashing out in anger or shutting down when I am hurt, and I know this, I can start planning how I should behave differently. The next time I am angry, I recognise this and I say to myself – from past experience I have learnt that lashing out only makes things worse; let me take a walk for a few minutes and calm down and then come back and respond with a cooler mind.

By understanding our emotions and our past behaviour patterns, instead of letting our emotions overwhelm us, we can decide how we will behave.

So when something negative happens in our life, let us take a moment to feel our emotions. Once the initial wave has passed, let us make a conscious decision to communicate our feelings in a calm manner, rather than lashing out or walking out.

5. Knowing what you want and why you want it

Much of the time, our reactions are an outcome of ignorance. Often, when we are faced with situations or events, we don’t know what we want the outcome to be. This is because we don’t know what we want and why.

When I was younger, I would get enraged when people did not listen to my ideas. This would lead to my becoming increasingly aggressive, which would then push people even further away.

After years of introspection, I realised that one of my innermost needs was to be seen as innovative. I realised that when people did not heed my ideas, I felt rejected. Gradually, I realised that this was not their fault, but mine. Over time, I modified the intensity of this craving. As this happened, I realised that when I began placing my ideas on the table without desperation or aggression, they had a much better chance of being accepted.

The more we understand our needs and desires, the better we are able to manage the way we communicate and respond.

6. Learning to open your mind

Being open to ideas and inputs is a critical aspect of EQ. When our minds are open through understanding and internal reflection, we find it easier to deal with conflicts in a calm and self-assured manner.

Often, even today, I find myself believing that there is only one ‘right’ way to do certain things. The moment I believe this, I have narrowed my mind. I find myself rejecting any new inputs or ideas, and getting angry and frustrated when others don’t accept ‘my way’.

Every time this has happened, it has led to unhappy outcomes. By keeping our minds open, we find ourselves more socially aware and open to new possibilities. We are more receptive and understand others better, leading to better and more agreeable outcomes.

7. Understanding others and recognising how they feel

An important aspect of EQ is to be able to recognize how other people are feeling. To do this, we need to ‘listen actively’, really paying attention to what people are saying, to their body language, to their microexpressions. The more we understand their feelings, their reactions and their mindsets, the better our interactions and communication with them.

To improve our empathy, we need to put ourselves in other people’s shoes. We need to think about how we would feel if we were in their situation. We need to imagine how it must be to go through the experiences they are encountering and what might alleviate some of their hardship in terms of support and care.

Empathy allows us to be truly interested in what people are saying, so that we can respond in a sensitive and helpful way, thus adding value to them in their time of need.

8. Measuring the impact of your behaviour on others

And finally, we need to understand our effect on the people around us. Do we make people happy? Or do we make them nervous? Are we inclusive? Or do we exclude?

We need to identify these patterns. Do I tend to pick fights with my loved ones? Do people tend to close up a bit when I am around? If so, I need to change my attitude, approach and behaviour so that I can have a better emotional effect on people.

I try and ask my family and trusted friends what they think about my impact on them and their feelings. I ask them to tell me the areas I need to improve in. (This list is long and is a work in progress!) By doing so, I am able to gradually improve the impact of my behaviour on their lives.

The Eight-Fold Path…

Being Emotionally Intelligent is more than about doing well in your career.

Having a high EQ makes you more positive, more accessible, more likeable and more reliable.

I hope you are able to use these eight steps to find your path to a life full of contentment and satisfaction and inner peace.

****

If you believe your EQ stands apart, pat yourself on the back, click like and comment, “YES!”.  If you do not believe so, let’s start our journey together today.

Cheers | Shesh | Singapore | 03 March 2020.

Post Script :

1. For other interesting CEO Chronicles click here.
2. Follow me so that you don’t miss the next issue of CEO Chronicles.

#ceochronicles #careeradvice #careers #bestadvice #hiringandpromotion #personaldevelopment #success #leadership EQ EQ EQ