CATEGORY:Purpose/Vision/Strategy

To survive a crisis and win, we need to master the “Five Weapons To Deal With The Post-Pandemic World”.

Rajat and Lynn knew about the Five Weapons.

Rajat ignored them.

Lynn honed them.

Storm On The Horizon

News item in September 2019 : Oil prices dip below US$ 40 per barrel

News item in December 2019 : IEA predicts flattening of global energy demand

Viral blogpost in December 2019 : China doctor arrested for posting video on ‘runaway virus’

News item in January 2020 : Wuhan locked down; virus rampages across region

News item in February 2020 : Thousands infected in Italy; virus sweeping into Europe

Having Sight, But No Vision

Rajat Chandra was a lucky man.

He had had a comfortable career so far. In his mid-thirties, Rajat was the Operations Manager in a reputed Maritime Services group headquartered in Singapore. He had just completed 5 years in the company, and was well thought off, by his management and his team-mates.

Rajat was good at his job, and knew enough to deliver steady outcomes. He was happy – he felt secure and stable.

A few months before, in November, the Managing Director nominated middle managers in Rajat’s company to attend a two day training seminar on career management. Run by two former CEOs, who were now professional coaches, the seminar addressed various career issues and concerns. One of the sessions was on the Five Weapons professionals needed to survive a crisis and thrive in the corporate world.

The session described and discussed the Five Weapons –

1. Situational Awareness
2. Flexibility & Mobility
3. Networking
4. Strategy & Planning
5. Continuous Learning

Rajat had enjoyed the seminar. He found the ‘Five Weapons’ session stimulating and fun, and the examples, both from historical and from current times, interesting.

But he also felt that he did not really need these weapons. The combination of security and stability had given birth to new feeling – complacency.

Famous Last Words

“Why would I need weapons?” Rajat thought. He was part of a good company, where the leadership took care of and invested in the employees. And, he was doing well, and had been promoted a year ago, and was hoping for another promotion within the next couple of years. He got along with his boss, and his numbers were looking good.

“These Five Weapons are more for executives and managers who are either in companies not doing well, or who are not doing so well themselves,” Rajat thought. In fact, he had shared this opinion with one of his colleagues  (and a good friend) Lynn Cheng.

“I don’t agree,” Lynn had replied, after hearing Rajat out. “I think all of us need to master these weapons. We have no control over the external environment, but we can prepare ourselves for the worst case scenario so that we can survive a crisis.”

Rajat had laughed. “Lynn, what worst case scenario? You know I read about global economics and finance all the time – the world is doing well, in fact never better! Why would I spend time mastering things I am never going to use?”

Lynn was insistent. “No, Rajat, those two CEOs were not fools. They did not sacrifice one-fourth of the seminar to focus on things that we would not need. Did you know that this is a newly incorporated session? They evidently see something we don’t.”

“No way,” Rajat scoffed, “We are doing great, and nothing is going to change that!”

Prepare For The Unexpected

Lynn Cheng had also had a nice life so far.

She was 31 years old and was Deputy HR Manager. She had been with the company for a little longer than Rajat. Lynn had started as an HR Officer, and had been promoted thrice in six years. She was that rare HR professional – trusted and liked by her colleagues.

Lynn was different from Rajat in one critical aspect. She knew that security and stability could be unpredictable and transient.

Lynn was completely energized by the career management seminar. Every session spoke to her, resonating with her own thoughts and opinions.

When she was younger, her father once quoted the then CEO of Intel, Andy Grove, to her :

“Success breeds Complacency. Complacency breeds Failure. Only the paranoid survive.”

The day after the seminar, Lynn started her journey to mastering the Five Weapons.

The Warrior’s Path

She first tackled Situational Awareness.

Lynn broke it into three parts – her company, her market and the general environment.

She read as much as could find about her company’s history, growth and performance. What she couldn’t find, she asked of her boss and colleagues. She spent some time with the CFO and understood the financial issues and stresses that the company was facing.

Lynn subscribed to various domain newsletters on the maritime sector. As she pored through these, she realized that the maritime industry was in bad shape. Hundreds of companies had closed down in the past few years, and even the remaining ones were financially teetering.

Then, she started browsing the internet on global issues – the increasing nationalism, the trade war between US and China, the struggles of emerging economies, the failures in world trade and cooperation.

Within two weeks, Lynn fully agreed with Andy Grove – “In such an environment, one definitely needs to be paranoid,’ she said to herself, “I will need to master the Five Weapons if I want to survive a crisis.”

Within four weeks, she realized that neither her nor Rajat’s jobs could be taken for granted. One misstep here or one change there, and the company would need to cut costs drastically.

In parallel, Lynn started planning her Strategy (and upgrading her Learning).

In her reading, she also learnt about the forces that were disrupting HR. During this, Lynn had come across a McKinsey article on how 40% of HR jobs in the future would be done by computers and bots. She agreed with the article – “Much of what we do is repetitive and patterned,” she thought, “So easy to digitalize.”

She realized that some parts of HR – talent management, performance management, employee engagement – would be difficult to offshore or digitalize. “If I want to continue in HR and survive a crisis, I will need to become an expert in these areas,” she said to herself.

Lynn looked for and joined two HR professional forums so that we could keep track of the state of the art and find avenues to learn and develop herself.

She visited a career counselor. “What areas, other than HR, can my current capabilities and competencies help me excel in?” she asked.

Lynn had always been good at Networking.

Now, she bumped it into high gear. Within 6 weeks, she had got to know and interact with more than 50 managers and leaders in the HR world through the forums.

A close friend advised her to develop her social media profile. With some help, she started writing a weekly blog on HR issues and inviting her friends, colleagues and acquaintances to contribute and engage.

Lynn also started a new initiative – she started calling on and meeting with HR and non-HR managers in the various organizations in her building. There were more than a 100 companies, and she planned to build at least one relationship in each company in the next 6-7 months.

Finally, Lynn evaluated her personal situation, to see how Flexible she really was. 

She totaled up her assets, calculated her monthly outgo, spoke to her parents about their needs, consulted a wealth manager friend. Lynn quickly learnt that she had not given her own financial security enough priority in the past. Being flexible, she realized, was to a large extent, an outcome of being financially independent.

Lynn calculated that she had enough to sustain herself for about 9-12 months. But that was not sufficient. To be able to survive a crisis, she needed to be able to sustain at least 24-26 months.

She sat with her (newly appointed) wealth manager and put in place a new approach. Together, they laid out specific goals to achieve and decided on a savings and investment plan to reach this soon. She also enlisted for an online course in personal investing.

By March 2020, Lynn was well on her way to achieving most of her milestones, if not her goals. She felt much more confident that she could survive a crisis now, but did not allow herself to become complacent.

Tragedy Strikes

On 15 April 2020, both Rajat Chandra and Lynn Cheng received notices of termination with immediate effect.

“The Company is unable to sustain its current operations, and regretfully needs to seek judicial protection,” said the letters.

Rajat was shocked and flabbergasted.

Lynn was saddened. But not surprised.

You Shall Reap What You Sow

Today, four months later, Rajat is at home, applying for jobs. His savings are gradually running out. He now suffers from hypertension and is on medication.

Meanwhile, Lynn is Talent Management Specialist in one of the top e-commerce companies in the world. She earns 30% more than what she did previously.

Lynn is not resting, however. She continues to hone her Five Weapons.

1. Situational Awareness
2. Flexibility & Mobility
3. Networking
4. Strategy & Planning
5. Continuous Learning

Lynn knows that success is never final. That she has to be armed and ready for the next shock, the next upheaval.

Lynn is not just a survivor. She is a winner.

As you can be, if you master the Five Weapons…

****

If you are more Rajat than Lynn, start learning how to wield the Five Weapons NOW. If you are more Lynn than Rajat, help me share these principles with your colleagues and friends, so that they may prepare themselves before it is too late. 

Do send your inputs to me, either as a comment or as a PM.

Cheers | Shesh | Singapore | 11 August 2020.

Post Script :

1. For other interesting CEO Chronicles click here.
2. Follow me so that you don’t miss the next issue of CEO Chronicles.

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Resilience & the Perfect Employee

This is the story of the incredible resilience of a 45 year old woman, struck by a tragedy in the prime of her life.

Why this story?

You may recall that in #ceochronicles article # 20, we asked, ‘What qualities make up a perfect employee?’

We agreed that the four main qualities of a PERRfect employee are –

• Proactivity
• Emotionally Intelligence
• Reliability, and
• RESILIENCE

In the articles that followed, we discussed proactivity, emotional intelligence and reliability, and how we can build these qualities in ourselves.

This story shows us what resilience really is, and how we can make it part of our professional armory.

Loss

She sat in the darkening room. Her eyes were dry. She just had no more tears. As her eyes scanned the room, errant memories surfaced.

He used to sit in that easy chair, enjoying his coffee and newspaper every Sunday morning.

That is the sideboard we bought when our first son was born. How shocked we were when we found out the price!

Today is Saturday; we would have all gone to the temple together.

No more.

That life was no more. He, her husband, was no more. Not even 50, he had left her and their four children bereft. A heart attack, they said. We tried everything, they said. It’s God’s will, they said.

The tumult had died down. His body had been cremated. The countless rituals that various relatives insisted on were done. The house was almost empty, reflecting what she felt.

What was she to do? She had never envisaged this future in her wildest imaginings. In all her visions, he was always there by her side. And now he wasn’t and never would be.

What was she to do?

Recovery

As a matter of habit, she wiped her dry eyes with the pallu of her sari. She took a deep breath.

First, I have to make sure that the children are not impacted in any way, she thought. Shri needs to go back to college at the earliest. Once he immerses himself, he will recover.

Chandra, too. I never know what’s in that boy’s mind, she thought. He must be hurting badly, but doesn’t show it at all.

Her heart seemed to tear apart when she thought of her youngest two. Oh, they are too young to lose their father, her mind cried. 13 and 11! How cruel can life be?

I have to look for the bank passbooks. How much money do we have? Not very much, I think.

When are the college and school fees due? When is the next rent due?

She almost broke down again. He would handle all these issues, she thought. I don’t even know how much the fees are! Shri has another 3 years, and Chandra has another 5 years. How will we manage?

She recalled a snippet of conversation from earlier that week –

“Just come over to Trichy and live with us. We are there for you. We will take care of everything…”

As tempting as that sounded, her back straightened with resolve. I am not going to be a burden on anyone. My children will not be a burden on anyone. Whatever we do, we will do by ourselves.

She stood up, feeling more tired than she had ever before in her life. Strangely, at the same time, she also felt a sense of strength that she did not know existed. She started walking to the cupboard to find the bank papers, her stride becoming firmer with every step.

Response

Seven years had passed.

She sat in the front row, excited and proud to be witnessing her youngest son’s convocation ceremony. Guests were still being ushered in, the hall was alive with chatter.

She also felt a sense of tremendous relief.

Shri has completed his post graduation and is doing so well in the US, she sighed. Chandra is a full fledged doctor. And now, Sesha will start his career as an engineer. Padma is well on her way to completing her BA. What an amazing girl she is – so supportive and caring!

I never thought we would make it, she thought.

As the hall gradually filled up with parents and families, her mind slipped back in time. How did we make it? she asked herself. Her mind scanned the thousands of memories, sliding over them, but not finding anything that stood out.

Probably God’s will, she said to herself, as the first announcement for the graduation ceremony shook her out of her reverie.

My Mother’s Guide To Resilience

No, it was not God’s will.

It was my mother’s will. It was her courage, her patience, her persistence, her belief in herself and in her family and her willingness to work 25 hours a day.

Today, 45 years later, we know how she made it. She started with the first component of resilience, which is

1. Courage

My mother is the most courageous person I have known.

I whine when the smallest of issues befall me. “Oh, my car stereo is not working. Why does this always happen to me?” It’s easy to be a victim, isn’t it?

Even before my father died, my mother soldiered through the most difficult of times, never complaining, never ever allowing any of what she went through to be known to or seen by her children. It was only later on in life that we realised how much we were insulated and protected by her.

My mother is a small woman. And physically rather frail. But in terms of her ability to cope and stand strong, she is a giant.

Many years later, when we asked her how she coped with her husband’s sudden and premature passing, she would say, “What could I do? I did not have the luxury of extended grieving. You were four hungry, growing children. I had to put aside my personal issues and make sure that you had whatever you needed to complete your studies successfully and start living your independent lives. That was what drove my every thought, my every action.”

My mother doesn’t use words like courage. She lives them.

“Courage is not the absence of fear. It is overcoming fear, knowing that you have to achieve a goal regardless.”

The next quality that comprises resilience is

2. Patience

My mother understands the value of patience.

When we were young, and desperately wanted something, she would say, “Be patient, there is a time and place for everything.”

When she was going through her darkest hours, she realised that she had to play the long game. Yes, everything seemed dire and disastrous, but that was now. There was always tomorrow. And the day after tomorrow. And the day after that. She had to get through each day, step by difficult step, patiently doing what needed to be done, so that tomorrow was better.

My mother pawned her jewelry to put her children through college, her heart breaking as she did so, but hoping and believing that she would one day, get it all back. One day, she did.

She fought a court battle to evict recalcitrant tenants for over 7 years, finally getting possession of the house her husband and she had built with their toil and tears.

She still has this amazing quality of ‘calm’; the ability to remain unflurried even in a maelstrom.

“In battling the challenges of life, the two most powerful weapons are patience and time.”

A third component of resilience that my mother taught us by example is

3. Persistence

My mother doesn’t know when to quit.

She never, never gives up.

We, her children, were not the obedient, amenable examples that parents dream of, before they have children. We were headstrong, opinionated, argumentative and disobedient.

She recognised that arguing was futile. So she waited us out. We went through teenage rebellion. She was there for us and gave us her advice when we asked. We went through adolescent angst. She waited, and gave us her shoulder to cry one. We went through crests and troughs, seeking ourselves. She fed us and listened to us and suggested that we look at things differently.

In time, one by one, we fell in line. We recognised the value of the values she wanted us to live by. We understood what was right. Her teachings, previously seeds on arid soil, took root and bloomed.

My mother always played the long game. She never gives up.

When we were young, my mother told us about a small stream encountering a large rock.

“The stream finally cut its way through the rock,” she said, “not because of how powerful it was, but because of how persistent it was.”

Yet another quality that supported my mother’s resilience was

4. Belief

My mother believes. In herself, in God, in her family, in people. She believes that good will prevail. That all will be well in the end.

She was fortunate to have wonderful, supportive parents and loving siblings. She knew she could count on them, even if she never leaned on them.

My mother was fortunate to have the help of people who came forward to advise and guide her in sorting out the administrative mess than any intestate death brings.

She was lucky to have a few close friends whom she could speak to, confide in and pour her heart out complaining about her headstrong, disobedient children.

She has immense faith in the Almighty. This faith carries her across arid deserts and stormy waves.

Her belief sustained her through the worst of times; it calmed her in the best of times.

I remember reading a quote and immediately thinking of my mother –

“The sky is not the limit. Your belief-system is.”

The final quality that defines resilience (and my mother) is

5. Hard work

My mother worked 16 hours every day. Seven days a week.

She arose at 4:00 AM and slept at 10:00 PM. (I think she still does!)

My mother hates depending on anyone else. She hates taking shortcuts. She believes in the joy and satisfaction of doing something herself and doing it well.

My mother always believed and still believes that our actions define our intent. Work, she believes, is worship.

When I was 9 and was crying about something I wanted and did not have, she said,

“You get what you work for, not what you wish for”

The Power of Resilience

My mother taught me the 5 qualities that comprise resilience.

1. Courage
2. Patience
3. Persistence
4. Belief
5. Hard work

Not rocket science. (Though she also taught me physics when I was young). Simple, timeless qualities.

I hope her lessons will serve you well, as they did me.

****

Would you like to name and thank the people in your life who taught you to be resilient? It would be great to celebrate our gurus and mentors!

Cheers | Shesh | Singapore | 14 April 2020.

Post Script :

1. For other interesting CEO Chronicles click here.
2. Follow me so that you don’t miss the next issue of CEO Chronicles.

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Resilience

This week, I was to write about the fourth weapon in the PERRfect Employee’s arsenal – Resilience.

However, we are in a dire situation where the whole world needs resilience. Countries, communities, companies, individuals across the globe are in the thrall of a pandemic. Borders are being shut down, jobs are being lost, subsistence is at risk, fever is raging and the bodies are piling. How do we cope?

So, rather than write about the components of resilience or the professional’s path to resilience, I am sharing two touching stories about people who have gone through their darkest times and found their way out into light.

These stories are extracts from www.optionb.org, a platform that helps people build resilience and find meaning in the face of adversity.

My Husband Murdered His Father!

That moment that everything changes. For me, that was July 17, 1989. Sitting in a police interrogation room, my world crashed down as I listened to two detectives tell me that my husband had coordinated and carried out the murder of his father.

At the time, I was newly married and seven months pregnant. When I learnt that the man I had loved and planned a family with could do such a horrible thing, it buried my head, my heart, and my hope for the future in darkness.

As much as I wanted to move forward and back into the light, reminders of that day were inescapable for the next several years. Newspaper headlines and evening news stories about my husband’s case were a regular occurrence. My hometown community whispered. Friends walked away. His trial and sentencing to twenty-two years to life brought even more press coverage and chatter.

But in that time of darkness, my beautiful child was born. My desire to move forward turned into a need to move forward. The need begat a will to move forward. And I began to see that I had options for my life, and my daughter’s life, other than those that were crushed. I would find another option, and it would be good.

Finding Option B

This was not easy. It required me to step out of complacency and into action. As I navigated my divorce, I had to use my voice in a new and assertive way, something that I was not used to. Being burdened by all of the financial obligations of my ex-husband’s debts tested my negotiation skills. I faced and dealt with the emotional fallout of fear, betrayal and anxiety. For the first time, I was truly choosing to happen to life, rather than letting life happen to me. I was choosing resiliency.

There were moments when I had to simply rely on a will-do attitude, rather than a can-do attitude. At times, I wanted to sink back under what felt like the weight of the world. But as I took accountability and responsibility for shaping my future, and that of my daughter, I decided that my life would be a life of victory, not of being a victim of someone else’s actions and the judgment and darkness they brought.

In the years since, I have found a healthy and loving relationship. I have raised three daughters to be strong, independent women. At the age of thirty-five, I returned to college and earned my degree on the same day that my oldest daughter earned hers. I have traveled the world.

Along the journey, life has tested my resilience time and again. Emotions, questions, anger, confusion, and hurt didn’t just disappear when I chose something different for our lives. But as issues arise, I feel, address, and work through them. I learn from them.

You see, I did not just move forward to exist. I bounced forward and am living.

Suddenly, The World Went Dark

A week after New Year’s Day, Gabby Giffords was shot. The year of 2011, which had started so inspired, had turned into a tragedy..

Gabby loved New Year’s. To her, starting afresh has significant meaning. Before she was shot, Gabby was one of those dedicated New Year’s resolution-makers – she always had a list of 10 things she wanted to achieve, whether reading more books or finally taking lessons in the French horn, the instrument she played in college. She always prompted her husband to make his own resolution, because he never would without her encouragement. But that year, and every year since, she’s had one resolution: to keep fighting through her recovery.

Gabby was shot by a zealot, who also killed and injured eighteen other people in his shooting spree. In one instant, her life and those of her family changed.

Gabby was shot point blank in the head. She was not expected to live. But she did. She survived and after two harrowing weeks in the hospital, began the long road to recovery.

Gabby suffered from severe aphasia, a result of her traumatic brain injury, which made speaking difficult. She was paralyzed in her right arm and right leg, so she had difficulty moving around. Gabby lost 50% of her vision in both eyes. These struggles remain to this day.

An Uphill Journey

On 1^st August, 2011, eight months after she was shot, Gabby made her first public appearance on the House floor to vote in favor of raising the debt limit ceiling. She was met with a standing ovation and accolades from her fellow members of Congress.

On 22^nd January, 2012, Gabby announced that she would resign from her congressional seat in order to concentrate on her recovery, but promised to return to public service in the future.

Over the past years, Gabby has gone through intensive rehabilitation treatments. Her surgeon noted that Gabby’s recovery was long, arduous and tiring, and expressed amazement at her progress.

Even through all the pain and trauma, Gabby opened her heart and home to everyone who wanted to talk to her. She refuses to give up, and stills sees the world in a positive light. Gabby runs a political action committee “Giffords: Courage to Fight Gun Violence.” She is still a vital politician and activist, active on Twitter and working passionately to give voice to millions of regular Americans who desire gun control and safety.

It’s coming on nine years now. And in that time, Gabby and her husband Mark have learned a lot.

“You may find that after times of tragedy or struggle, your cherished traditions change,” says Mark. “Some may disappear. Others may just need to wait, for now. But if you leave yourself open to them, new ones will appear – and you’ll find causes for celebration and types of resolve that you may not have otherwise imagined…”

The Power of Resilience

As we see from the above stories, resilience is the hard fought ability to bounce back from tough situations. Resilience is about NOT becoming a victim of helplessness and angst.

So often, we go through such horrible situations that it seems impossible to come out strong on the other end. But resilience allows us to just this. Once we learn to take control of our lives, prepare for the unexpected, reinforce our mental, spiritual and physical selves, we will find ourselves living happier, more purpose-filled lives. We will also learn to handle adversity with calm and deliberation.

Increasing our resilience is about willpower, about deliberate action, about being adaptable, about self esteem.

We will discuss these aspects of resilience in the next article.

Till then, let us all be healthy, safe and positive. Let us try and help those around us whose ability to cope is less than ours. To find ways to be proactive and empathetic with our families, friends, neighbours and community members. Let us be products of our actions, not of our circumstances.

This pandemic, too, will pass. We will be strong again.

****

Cheers | Shesh | Singapore | 31 March 2020.

Post Script :

1. For other interesting CEO Chronicles click here.
2. Follow me so that you don’t miss the next issue of CEO Chronicles.

Credits :

1. Article # 1 : Angie Mozilo, June 2017, optionb.org
2. Article # 2 : Gabby Giffords & Mark Kelly, November 2017, otionb.org

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A lesson from a cockroach

In #ceochronicles article 22, we began our discussion on Emotional Intelligence (and Emotional Quotient or EQ). We met Peter and Paul and saw how differently they reacted to the same situation. We discussed the definition of Emotional Intelligence (EI) and how this quality can change our lives for the better.

While I was reading about EI and EQ, I came across this brilliant extract from a speech by Mr. Sundar Pichai, CEO of Google, which I thought you would love!

To Scream or Not To Scream?

At a restaurant, a cockroach suddenly flew from somewhere and sat on a lady.

She started screaming out of fear.

With a panic stricken face and trembling voice, she started jumping, with both her hands desperately trying to get rid of the cockroach.

Her reaction was contagious, as everyone in her group also got panicky.

The lady finally managed to push the cockroach away but …it landed on another lady in the group.

Now, it was the turn of the other lady in the group to continue the drama.

A waiter, hearing the commotion, rushed forward.

In the relay of throwing, the cockroach next fell upon the waiter.

The waiter stood firm, composed himself and observed the behavior of the cockroach on his shirt.

When he was confident enough, he grabbed it with his fingers, walked to the door and threw it out of the restaurant.

Sipping my coffee and watching the amusement, the antenna of my mind picked up a few thoughts and started wondering, was the cockroach responsible for their histrionic behavior?

If so, then why was the waiter not disturbed?

He handled it near to perfection, without any chaos.

It is not the cockroach, but the inability of the ladies to handle the presence of the cockroach that disturbed the ladies.

I realized that, it is not the shouting of my father or my boss or my wife that disturbs me, but it’s my inability to handle the disturbances caused by their shouting that disturbs me.

It’s not the traffic jams on the road that disturbs me, but my inability to handle the disturbance caused by the traffic jam that disturbs me.

More than the problem, it’s my reaction to the problem that creates chaos in my life.

The Cockroach Theory

I understood that I should not react in life.

That I should always respond.

The women reacted, whereas the waiter responded.

Reactions are always instinctive, whereas responses are always well thought of, just and right to save a situation from going out of hand, to avoid cracks in relationship, to avoid taking decisions in anger, anxiety, stress or hurry.

How does Emotional Intelligence help?

Just as Peter’s EQ helped him keep calm and thoughtful, so did the waiter’s. Both of them rose above the situations they were in and took actions that benefited not just themselves but everyone around them.

Emotionally intelligent employees are dependable and reliable.

They look at the whole picture and act with thought and planning.

Such employees understand not just their own needs, but the needs and requirements of others around them.

They recognise that ‘no man is an island’ and put their team or community ahead of themselves.

By doing all this, they build an amazing reputation. People respect them. Organisations recognise them as leaders. People look to them in times of crisis.

Having a high EQ sets you apart and puts you ahead.

How do I become Emotionally Intelligent?

The 8 steps to becoming Emotionally Intelligent are :

1. Understanding your emotions and tapping into them

We rarely try and understand our emotions. Most often, we ignore them or suppress them. But when we ignore our feelings, we are overlooking an important and integral part of ourselves. Our emotions have a huge effect on our mindsets and behaviours.

We need to start understanding our feelings and connecting them to our experiences.

For example, when we are at work and we hear that a colleague has bad-mouthed us. What emotions arise when this happens? Or, when we are praised for completing a project on time. What exactly do we feel? Naming our emotions – sadness, embarrassment, joy, contentment, etc., will help us understand how we react to different situations and stimuli, and help us understand ourselves better.

2. Seeing the links between your emotions and your behaviour

The next step is to understand the impact of emotion on our behaviour. How do we react when we feel a particular emotion?

Do we withdraw when we are embarrassed? Or do we become belligerent?

Do we raise our voices when we are angry, or do we walk away to be alone?

Do we cry when we feel hurt or do we try and take it out on someone else?

The more we understand what emotion causes which behavioral impulse, the better we will be able to actually control and change our behaviour to our advantage.

3. Accepting yourself

Often, we don’t like our emotions. As often, we don’t like ourselves when we are emotional.

All our emotions are valid, even the negative ones. Every emotion we have is a new piece of useful information connected to something that’s happening around us. Without this information, we will not know how to adequately respond to different situations – we will only react.

I have personally found it very difficult rationally evaluating and accepting my emotions. For many years, I have practiced letting negative emotions surface and connecting them to what is happening around and to me. By doing so, I have learnt my ‘hot buttons’ and ‘triggers’. Today, I am better equipped to know what emotion triggers which reaction in me, and to consciously try and plan my response.

4. Planning your behaviour

We cannot control the emotions we feel, but we can decide how we respond to them. If I have an issue with lashing out in anger or shutting down when I am hurt, and I know this, I can start planning how I should behave differently. The next time I am angry, I recognise this and I say to myself – from past experience I have learnt that lashing out only makes things worse; let me take a walk for a few minutes and calm down and then come back and respond with a cooler mind.

By understanding our emotions and our past behaviour patterns, instead of letting our emotions overwhelm us, we can decide how we will behave.

So when something negative happens in our life, let us take a moment to feel our emotions. Once the initial wave has passed, let us make a conscious decision to communicate our feelings in a calm manner, rather than lashing out or walking out.

5. Knowing what you want and why you want it

Much of the time, our reactions are an outcome of ignorance. Often, when we are faced with situations or events, we don’t know what we want the outcome to be. This is because we don’t know what we want and why.

When I was younger, I would get enraged when people did not listen to my ideas. This would lead to my becoming increasingly aggressive, which would then push people even further away.

After years of introspection, I realised that one of my innermost needs was to be seen as innovative. I realised that when people did not heed my ideas, I felt rejected. Gradually, I realised that this was not their fault, but mine. Over time, I modified the intensity of this craving. As this happened, I realised that when I began placing my ideas on the table without desperation or aggression, they had a much better chance of being accepted.

The more we understand our needs and desires, the better we are able to manage the way we communicate and respond.

6. Learning to open your mind

Being open to ideas and inputs is a critical aspect of EQ. When our minds are open through understanding and internal reflection, we find it easier to deal with conflicts in a calm and self-assured manner.

Often, even today, I find myself believing that there is only one ‘right’ way to do certain things. The moment I believe this, I have narrowed my mind. I find myself rejecting any new inputs or ideas, and getting angry and frustrated when others don’t accept ‘my way’.

Every time this has happened, it has led to unhappy outcomes. By keeping our minds open, we find ourselves more socially aware and open to new possibilities. We are more receptive and understand others better, leading to better and more agreeable outcomes.

7. Understanding others and recognising how they feel

An important aspect of EQ is to be able to recognize how other people are feeling. To do this, we need to ‘listen actively’, really paying attention to what people are saying, to their body language, to their microexpressions. The more we understand their feelings, their reactions and their mindsets, the better our interactions and communication with them.

To improve our empathy, we need to put ourselves in other people’s shoes. We need to think about how we would feel if we were in their situation. We need to imagine how it must be to go through the experiences they are encountering and what might alleviate some of their hardship in terms of support and care.

Empathy allows us to be truly interested in what people are saying, so that we can respond in a sensitive and helpful way, thus adding value to them in their time of need.

8. Measuring the impact of your behaviour on others

And finally, we need to understand our effect on the people around us. Do we make people happy? Or do we make them nervous? Are we inclusive? Or do we exclude?

We need to identify these patterns. Do I tend to pick fights with my loved ones? Do people tend to close up a bit when I am around? If so, I need to change my attitude, approach and behaviour so that I can have a better emotional effect on people.

I try and ask my family and trusted friends what they think about my impact on them and their feelings. I ask them to tell me the areas I need to improve in. (This list is long and is a work in progress!) By doing so, I am able to gradually improve the impact of my behaviour on their lives.

The Eight-Fold Path…

Being Emotionally Intelligent is more than about doing well in your career.

Having a high EQ makes you more positive, more accessible, more likeable and more reliable.

I hope you are able to use these eight steps to find your path to a life full of contentment and satisfaction and inner peace.

****

If you believe your EQ stands apart, pat yourself on the back, click like and comment, “YES!”.  If you do not believe so, let’s start our journey together today.

Cheers | Shesh | Singapore | 03 March 2020.

Post Script :

1. For other interesting CEO Chronicles click here.
2. Follow me so that you don’t miss the next issue of CEO Chronicles.

#ceochronicles #careeradvice #careers #bestadvice #hiringandpromotion #personaldevelopment #success #leadership EQ EQ EQ

Blowing in the wind

I looked down at the envelope in my hand. It seemed too thin to be good news. I did not want to open it. If it was what I thought it was, this would be the 7^th such rejection.

Nevertheless, I girded myself and opened it, hoping that I was wrong.

Sadly, this was one of the few times in my life I was right.

“…we regret to inform you that your candidature was not successful. We wish you all the best…”

I crumpled the letter. This was a company I really liked – it would have been a dream job.

What the hell was I doing wrong?

I was doing everything the experts told me to do.

“Do your research,” they said.

“Create an amazing cv and cover letter,” they advised.

“Prove that you are versatile,” they recommended.

“Prepare for your interview diligently,” they instructed.

“Ensure that you follow-up,” they prescribed.

I followed all these ‘best practices’ even though I realized that 8 million other eager professionals were also doing exactly the same. The fact is that we were reading from the same playbook, and listening to the same ‘experts’. I was just another leaf in the Amazon rainforest.

How would I be seen? And noticed? And thought worthy of being offered a job?

What made me special? Why should a company choose me over someone equal in most if not all respects?

Lost and clueless, I did what I always did best – went to my mentor to ask for his advice.

Is it me you’re looking for?

“Okay, Shesh,” he said, after he had listened patiently to me pouring my woes. “Let me ask a hypothetical question.”

“Let us say that you were the captain of a basket ball team. One of your players leaves. You have to replace him. How would you do this most efficiently?”

“Well…” I racked my brains. “Well, yes, I would either look at good players from other teams that we have played, or I would ask my team players or the coach to recommend candidates they feel would be a good fit.”

“Very good,” he said, “and if you were the president of a prestigious social club, and wanted to add new members, would it be more efficient to put out an ad or ask your current members to recommend friends?”

“Of course I would ask the current members!” I said, without hesitation.

“Why did you respond the way you did?” he asked.

“Well, a player whose capability is known is a much better option than an unknown one. And a friend of an existing club member is more likely to fit in to the club much better. Isn’t this obvious?” I said, puzzled that he even had to ask this question.

“Very true,” he said. “Then why do you believe that organisations think any differently?”

“What?”

“Organisations are just like teams or clubs,” he said, smiling a little at my gawkish response. “They want the best fit, the best candidate, the employee who can add most value. However robust or structured their hiring process may be, wouldn’t they be more comfortable with a known quantity rather than have to test an unknown one?”

It’s not what you know; it’s who knows you

“You mean…” I started hesitantly, “You mean companies hire only through referrals and recommendations?”

“I am saying that if they have a choice, they will surely do so,” he said. “Wouldn’t you?”

I looked at him, my mind racing. Various instances ran through my head. My tennis partners; our quiz group; the intern we had just hired.

“Wow!” I exclaimed, “You are absolutely right. Almost every social and sports group I am part of is a result of recommendations and networks!”

“Our whole life is a result of networks,” he said calmly, “your parents’ choice of your school; the college you decided on; the friends you have; the woman you married; the day-care centre your son goes to. Almost every decision we take, we take after consulting people we trust, finding recommendations from forums we find credible.”

“However,” he added, “it is puzzling that when it comes to our careers, we believe we can find our dream job by shooting off applications by the dozen, and attending cold-call interviews. Companies are run by people, you know, and people behave the same outside them and in them.”

“So, finding your dream job is less about research or cvs or cover letters or interviews. Oh, all these play a part. But, it is more about you, your achievements, how well you are known, who knows you, and their perception of you. Does this make sense?”

Network = Net Worth?

It made sense. It made a whole lot of sense. Just because a company is run with policies and processes, that does not mean that people change the way they were conditioned to behave.

“So, what you are saying is that,” I said tentatively, “without a strong network, I have no hope of finding the job I want?”

“No,” he said, a little impatiently, “I am saying that with a wide network, with a reputation that precedes you, you can ensure that you get the dream job you want.”

“If you are a good basketball player, but no one knows of you, why will anyone choose you for their team?” he continued, “If you are a successful and likeable person, but are unknown to the social club, why will they believe you are a suitable member?”

“Remember,” he said,

“A network is like a stage. Without one, you are part of the passive audience in the dark, unknown and unseen. With one, you are in the spotlight, and you are visible to the world.”

As I walked home, I replayed the conversation in my mind. It seemed so obvious now. The 4 takeaways I left with were not just for me, but valid for anyone seeking their dream job..

1. People prefer to hire and work with those they know and trust.
2. A wide network helps us become known and builds a positive perception.
3. This will make it easier for people to find us and hire us.
4. We still have to go through the hiring process, but we will start with an solid advantage.

What’s Your Story?

Do you recall Robert Kiyosaki’s advice from CEO Chronicles # 14?

“The most successful people in the world look for networks; everyone else looks for work.”

What did you do to ensure your dream job? How did you differentiate yourself? Please share your inspiring story in the comments, it will surely serve as a guide to all those seeking their own!!

I hope you have enjoyed reading this installment of CEO Chronicles. If you want to ‘build your own stage, and shine in the spotlight’, send me a message or write to me.

Cheers,

Shesh.

(Singapore / 03 December 2019)

Post Script :

1. For other interesting CEO Chronicles click here.
2. Follow me so that you don’t miss the next issue of CEO Chronicles.

#ceochronicles #mentoringmatters #jobsearchadvice #radicaladvice #mentoring #success #purpose #fulfilment