What Women Want # 5 : The Right To Be A Woman February 11th, 2020
“What we want is to be comfortable being a woman in the workplace,” says Warini.
Warini is an HR manager in an digital marketing company. We are standing together, having lunch during an HR conference at the MBS Convention Centre.
“You will need to explain that sentence,“ I say, smiling.
“I have to be careful how I do so,” says Warini, “often, such discussions come across with women sounding whiny and complaining, and that is not what I want to be.”
“I understand,” I say, “I have heard the same point from other women. Trust me, you don’t need to worry – you just need to speak and make your voices heard. If you keep quiet, it is much worse than seeming whiny.”
“True, that,” says Warini, with a small smile. “Okay, here goes…”
“I don’t whether you will understand this, being a man,’ she starts, “but, somehow, being a woman at home and being a woman at work are two entirely different things. At home, being a woman is comfortable and accepted. At work, being the exact same woman is viewed with disdain, disrespect and discrimination.”
I waited for her to continue.
DISCRIMINATION
“You have no idea what I am taking about,” says Warini, looking at my face and grinning, “let’s take being pregnant, for example – having a baby is celebrated at home. Everyone is happy, I am treated with care and respect, people go out of their way to ensure I am comfortable, and so on.”
“But,” and her face turns solemn, “having a baby as a working woman is a different matter altogether. It is treated as a huge problem – almost as a deliberate infraction of some kind of code. One of my previous bosses used to never hire young married women. ‘Oh, she will start dropping babies, and disrupt everything,’ he would say, ‘no point wasting time on her.’ I know many career women who are actually afraid of starting a family, knowing that their career will most likely be affected.”
“Friends of mine have lost their jobs because they have become pregnant. 2-3 of them have been accused of ‘taking advantage’ of the company by using maternity leave. ‘The company is paying you while you are sitting at home and doing nothing.’ And so many, more than I can count, have returned to work, to find that their job duties have changed or that they been demoted.”
I stare at her, my mouth partially agape.
“No point wasting time? Demotion?” I ask, shocked.
“Absolutely,” Warini says, “but this is not overt. It is very insidious. Three months ago, in this company, a purchaser, Rosy, had a baby. When she returned, her boss ‘suggested’ that she handle document control rather than purchasing, as it would be ‘more convenient’. Rosy protested strongly, but to no avail. ‘It’s good for you’, she was told. She is truly unhappy and is now looking for another job. Losing her is going to hurt us, as she is one of our best employees.”
‘This is discrimination!” I say, my voice rising, and other delegates nearby turning to look at me.
“Yes,” says Warini, wearily, “but it is couched as a ‘favour’ to the new mother. ‘Oh, poor thing, let us give her an easier task to do’. It is very difficult to fight this, as we are seen to be ungrateful.”
“So, one of a woman’s greatest joys – the creation of life – becomes a burden, a disadvantage, something to fear,” I say, indignant.
“Absolutely,” says Warini. “My husband and I have been wanting to start a family for some time, but I keep postponing it, because I am not sure what the consequences will be.”
“This is terrible,” I say. “Unfair and unjust.”
DISDAIN
“Pregnancy is just one of the issues,” says Warini. “What about ‘That Time of the Month’? It’s not as if we asked for or enjoy having periods. Those three to five days can be horrible – cramps, stomach aches, headaches, debility. But most males somehow find this topic very difficult to understand in the workplace. We are accused of using our periods as an excuse to take a day off or to slack off.”
“I may be guilty of thinking like this sometimes,” I say, contritely.
“Most months when I have my period, I just want to take the strongest painkillers and stay in bed,” says Warini, “but I don’t. I come to work and do what I need to. All I want is for this to be recognised and appreciated. Tell me, Shesh, if you have a groin injury, is it likely that you are going to come to office?”
“Absolutely not,” I say, wincing at the very thought. “that will be the last thing on my mind!”
“We do this every month,” Warini stresses, “without fanfare, without unnecessary heroics. With what outcomes? Zero understanding, crude jokes, hurtful insinuations. Would men do this to their mothers or wives at home? I doubt it.”
“My wife would castrate me if I did anything of the sort,” I say, only half joking.
“And she would be right to do so!” laughs Warini, shaking her finger at me.
DISRESPECT
“Finally, here’s the curveball,” says Warini, “on the one hand, men look down or penalise pregnancy and periods; on the other hand, we are targets of sexual overtures. If a woman doesn’t dress up to the hilt, we are sloppy and don’t care about our job. If a woman pays careful attention to her appearance, we are trying too hard and using our gender to get ahead.”
“I have seen this so often,” I say, sadly.
“I am working in a ‘new economy’ company,” says Warini. “You would expect that things are different here. But, no. There is one colleague who comes and leans over my desk, nominally to ask me a question, but trying his best to peer down my blouse. There is the manager who ensures he squeezes past you at every opportunity. The Sales Head thinks he is God’s gift to women and makes passes at every woman under 50.”
“This is both terrible and shocking,” I say, “isn’t there a way to redress such issues?”
“There is, Shesh,” says Warini, “there is a grievance cell, but none of us bother with it. None of these indignities are as demeaning as outright harassment, and we have to work with these colleagues, so why rock the boat?”
“You women are amazingly courageous,” I say, with respect. “If I had to face so many inimical issues, I would run far away and never return.”
“That’s why I said what I did,” Warini says, calmly, looking me in the eye. “What women want is to be allowed to be a woman, without being discriminated against, judged or harassed. We want to do our work, earn respect and livelihood, and go home with a sense of fulfilment.”
“Is that too much to ask?”
DOING WHAT’S RIGHT
This is just one of a million similar stories of women in the workplace.
Did you know that in general –
- Women are far less likely to feel they have an equal opportunity to grow?
- Women are less happy at work than men?
We need to change this situation. What can we do?
- Recognise that women and men are different and honour these differences
- Empathise, rather than judge
- Make respect a core value
We spend much of our lives in our workplaces. Help make them fair, level and equitable. Level the floors, fix the ladders and raise the ceilings for everyone…
If you want to transform your work environment, don’t just click ‘like’. Share your views, your criticisms, your comments and your disagreements. Let us start a movement that will shatter past practices and paradigms and lead the way to a better world.
Cheers,
Shesh.
(Singapore / 11 Feb 2020)
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#ceochronicles, #whatwomenwant #motivation #professionalwomen #whatinspiresme #career #genderawareness
